Lady in Waiting

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Today is 4DP5DT and I am already driving myself bat-shit crazy. I feel as though my emotions are in a ping pong match, shortly after the transfer I was feeling good, and hopeful but now I am feeling desolate and forlorn. I feel nothing, no different and I know that’s not necessarily an indication of anything but I can’t help but think it means the transfer didn’t work. Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since last Friday, I’ve had the last 6 days off work because I had some vacation time that needed to be used up before the end of the year. It has been a blessing and a curse. On one hand I didn’t have to worry about calling in sick for work for the transfer, and I got to just relax and take it easy over the past few days since the transfer, on the flip side I have way too much time on my hands and I can’t stay away from google. And I don’t even have any symptoms to google. Even if I did, I know I can’t trust that it isn’t just side effects from the progesterone.

After the transfer I wasn’t on bed rest, as it wasn’t recommended by the clinic. They just told me to “take it easy” for a couple days after transfer, no sex until the results are known, no strenuous activities and obviously no drinking, or other pregnancy related no-no’s. I’ve been really good with my limited caffeine intake, going cold turkey most days (though I had already reduced it leading up to transfer). I’ve been trying to eat fairly well, get lots of rest (I’ve been sleeping in, seeing as I’ve had so much time off). I feel like an imposter, having to act like I’m pregnant.

I’m lucky in that my clinic is doing my beta only 9 days after transfer (that will be Monday), as I know a lot of people have had to wait longer than that. I am so impatient that I went to the dollar store and bought some pregnancy tests today. 4 to be exact, so that I can test every day, starting tomorrow until the day before my beta. I fully expect it to be negative tomorrow, for one because it’s probably way too early still, and secondly because I just don’t think this worked. I know I’m being pessimistic, but I just feel in my gut that it’s not going to be this easy (Ha! Like how I consider “this” easy). Maybe I’ll be proven wrong, I hope so, but I fear not. Only time will tell…

39 thoughts on “Lady in Waiting”

  1. julieann081

    I’m sorry that you’re not feeling very positive right now. I’m sending lots of hugs and hope your way for great results! ❤

  2. Ahh, I feel you! I’m 3dp5dt and i’m sooo up and down! Trying not to think about it, but it’s just so hard. Everytime i feel a little cramp I get a bit hopeful but then remember how much progesterone i am on and how similar it feels to my other cycles. Good luck, I hope you get a fabulous result 🙂

  6. Appendicitis Rex

    Don’t lose hope! I had NO symptoms either. I mean none, zero, zilch, not any implantation cramping, nothin! I felt entirely like my normal self. …And now I’m 9 weeks along (and still as “bat-shit crazy” as you feel right now! The worrying never seems to subside for us IF gals)! I, too, had my beta 9dp5dt and didn’t test positive until day 7. Getting that negative was really crushing; so, if you can wait until Sat or Sun of this week, I’d strongly recommend it. (This, coming from the girl who buckled and totally couldn’t wait until the beta either)! 😉
    Good luck to you!!!!

  7. I had no symptoms either and it drove me crazy. I think my beta was 8dp5dt and it was pretty low, so I’m glad I waited until after the first beta to do my home tests.

  9. I was waiting for an update! Yes I’ve seen lots start to get positives around 7-8 dpt. You are lucky to have an early beta! I always have to wait longer with my clinic. Sending positive vibes your way. Can’t wait for the next update! 🙂

  12. I didn’t know you already had your transfer! I’m going to stay positive for you, so you don’t have to. I have high hopes for you. Good luck and I will be checking in to see those results!

  15. Just wanted to let you that I literally felt the exact same way and had ZERO symptoms after my most recent 4th ivf cycle. I was so convinced it was negative – to the point that when my dr called with beta results he started saying “so you probably already know..” And I blurted out it’s negative I know it is and my heart started to break all over again when to my utter disbelief he stopped me and told me it was actually positive. That was 4 days ago (and even with doubling 48 hrs later I still feel nada!!!) so don’t lose hope!!!! Sending you good thoughts and vibes!!! ❤

    • Thank you! I know my lack of symptoms doesn’t necessarily mean anything, I just want to feel pregnant. Although if I did, I would probably just chalk it up to progesterone. Can’t win!

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