Throughout this process, infertility treatments and trying to make a baby, I have been in some awkward situations. Multiple people investigating my lady-business, with my husband sometimes bearing witness. I’ve had ultrasound wands, needles, speculums, catheters and more used on me. I’ve had to give up all modesty as I lay under a light with my feet in stirrups for a nurse, doctor, and embryologist all at once, while my husband sits by my head.
And just recently J has joined me in the bathroom for my neurotic morning ritual of testing for pregnancy. In all previous cycles, natural and IUI I would try and be secretive in my testing and J would patiently wait until I told him my period had arrived (when it inevitably would), and that would be that. I started testing on Thursday (5dp5dt) and received stark white. I stupidly left the test on the counter as I showered and when I got out, there was a line albeit faint but it was well outside the allowed timeframe for accuracy and I dismissed it in my mind as an evaporation line. When I looked at it later in the day is was some what distorted and discoloured, proving my theory.
I tested the next morning, with J tensely waiting alongside, to be disappointed by another solitary line staring back at us. At that point J stormed out of the bathroom, declaring “No more testing!”. He later apologized, and told me he just hates seeing the negative, whereas for me it keeps me in check and doesn’t let my hope get too inflated.
He told me he wouldn’t mind if I tested this morning, but he wasn’t going to wait and he went to work. At first I was undecided whether or not to test but I can’t help myself and I had to do it. I propped the box up so I couldn’t see the test and set the alarm on my phone. As I stood in the bathroom by myself, I moved the box and leaned in to get a closer look. It took me a moment to realize there were two lines, the second faint but definitely there, and well within the allowed timeframe. I did a little freakout dance, hopping from one foot to another and thought to myself, “the one time I am completely alone, and I wish I weren’t”. But the test on the counter reminded me otherwise. I was not alone, there were two of us in the bathroom at that moment.