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The past year, I’ve spent a majority of my time “mom-ing”. Having this year off work, I’ve been the primary caretaker for baby girl and for a lot of this time I have struggled with my sense of self; my needs and my self have come second to Bebe and it’s been a tough adjustment to parenthood. But now that things have sort of fallen into a routine, we’ve got our groove, I get out more, hubby and I have date nights; life has some balance. I feel so much better when I have some time for me. Despite the fact that I am now a mom, and that is a huge game changer, I am not “just a mom” now. I was other things before Bebe came into our lives, and though my priorities have shifted, I don’t cease being the whole person, that I always was. Now I am a mother, but I am also still; a wife, a partner, a lover, a daughter, a granddaughter, a daughter-in-law, a niece, a professional, a friend, a teammate, a traveler, a blogger; an individual. I certainly want to try to be the best mom I possibly can, but not by sacrificing my sense of self. I owe that to my daughter, whom I love with all of my being.
Infertile Girl in a Fertile World 
It’s good to have that equilibrium! I found that I didn’t struggle too much in obvious ways, but that the questions of identity come up subtly. For example, when I’m talking with a friend, it’s very easy to talk only about AJ and not about myself. I have to make a point to talk about my life as separate from my daughter’s (hopefully the person I’m talking to encourages this). I think it’s important for children to see that parents have an identity apart from them. (My daughter has (unprompted) been learning and using our first names sometimes lol.)
” I owe that to my daughter …” I love that you phrased it this way. That’s how I would have felt too. In fact, it is how I feel, because it is important for us all to remember that, just as you are more than a mother although that is part of who you are, we are all more than our infertility, even though it will always be part of who we are too.
Yes, exactly. And I didn’t/don’t know how to phrase it but to the women still trying, or those, like yourself, living a “No Kidding” life; you may not have the title “mom”, but you are so many other things.