Lost at Sea

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I’m sending out an S.O.S. We’re lost, and I’m not sure which way we’re headed anymore. Ok, so this is not a new theme but it seems to be getting worse and more confusing. I used to have sight of land in the distance, but now the fog has closed in and I don’t know which way is out.

Yesterday my boss told me that I have been accepted into a training program that I have been on a waiting list for, for several months now. They only take a few people at a time because it costs the company a fair bit of money. Once you are enrolled you have 2 years to complete it and people were enrolling and then not finishing, so then you have to start all over. So in any case, I won’t actually be enrolled until later this year because there is a seminar that they would send me on in September so they want my enrollment date to be as close as possible to the seminar so I get the full 2 years from that point.

So, as far as I know I am enrolled for the seminar, which is on a cruise to Alaska. It is part seminar during the days we are at sea, and part familiarization trip with the cruise line we are travelling and Alaska as a destination (I am a travel agent for those who aren’t aware…yes livin’ the dream…sometimes). Now I’m not sure if I were to quit my job before September (if J gets transfered, or if I decide to move to a different company) if I would have to pay back the seminar, because generally these things are non refundable. They may be allowed to swap someone else out for me, so at this point I said yes and I’ll worry about it down the road. The bigger problem comes if I were to quit after the seminar; if I were to leave within 6 months of the seminar, I would have to pay it back (that’s company policy).

But what if I get pregnant? If it is before September I would have to tell my boss and turn down the training opportunity altogether. If it is after September, then I wouldn’t technically be quitting, plus I most likely wouldn’t be going on mat leave within 6 months of the seminar so it shouldn’t matter too much. But then I will be signed up for the 2 year training program. I’m not sure how that would be handled if I were to leave.

I am not going to say no at this point, because who knows what will happen. I can’t live my life assuming I’ll be pregnant, or we’ll be moved or who knows what. This is an awesome step in my career and my company is paying for it, so I want to take advantage.

On that note, we still haven’t heard anything from the job interview J had a week and a half ago. We’re dying here. He said he might try and contact the recruiter to see if she knows anything, or can put him in touch with the decision makers. It’s annoying because they said they would be in touch by the end of last week…still waiting!

I was having a bad day yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed at work and when I start to feel that way it makes me stressed and lately I don’t handle stress well. I think too, because this new training opportunity came up it kind of threw me a little bit. So then I fall into a downward spiral, stressed over work, thinking about our upcoming appt with Dr. M, worried about the future and what it will bring. Plus I felt like junk yesterday. Little did I know that AF was making her way to me (3 days early). I missed a BCP sometime mid cycle, so I took it in the morning when I remembered and then I forgot to take my last pill on Sunday but at that point I figured, who cares if I missed the last one.

I think once we have an answer on what’s going on with J’s job prospect, I might feel a little clearer in what I should do. Hopefully we can make some decisions and get ourselves back on track and in sight of land again, a new land of opportunities and exciting challenges.

 

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