#Microblog Mondays: Jinxes


Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.


I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I can be superstitious about silly things (especially for a reasonable, analytical person like me) and that was definitely true all throughout our IF treatments, and carried into pregnancy. One of my superstitions is to do with Murphy’s Law, in that if you make plans, anything that can go wrong, will. Lately, my mind keeps thinking “what if our baby is in fact…not a girl”. We are ready, in that we have all of the stuff we think we’ll need. But it’s all girl stuff. Granted we did a blood test to detect fetal DNA for determining gender, plus our sonographer was pretty confident at our anatomy scan that she is in fact a girl. I’m pretty sure it’s silly to worry about, doesn’t happen often (please don’t share the horror stories with me!) but my mind just goes there. It wouldn’t be the end of the world but it would be a huge pain in the ass!

Another thing I am very protective, and superstitious of is her name. It has been a secret, mainly to avoid unwanted comments but also sort of to keep her for ourselves. The other day I was in a shop and the cashier asked when I was due, if I knew the gender, if we had a name picked out, ect. I answered all of her questions and she asked me what the name was. Previously when asked this by a random person I’ve either lied and said we don’t know, or told them it’s a secret. But for some reason, I told this woman. Perhaps because we’re so close to the end, and there was no one else around. But as soon as I did it I felt awful. J was waiting for me outside the shop, with our dogs, and I didn’t tell him what happened. I felt like I had betrayed him.

The only person who has the power of the jinx is me, I just need to let it go.


Superstition, Serendipity or Coincidence…Whatever You Call It, It Ain’t Workin’


Greetings fellow infertiles, and bloggers alike! I am currently hanging out in a mountain chalet enjoying the scenery, the quiet time and not having to do or be anywhere. Plus I’m finding I sort of lose track of the day of the week or the date so our impending IUI is sneaking up without me realizing it which is kind of nice. Some times the first two weeks of a cycle can be just as painful as the two week wait after ovulation. I finished my clomid on Friday and have had very minimal symptoms. So far. No headaches this cycle, but I have gotten to enjoy some mild hot flashes. For a perpetually chilly person it was very odd for me to be stripping off layers.

I’ve been very reflective as of late, due to the New Year approaching, and also because infertility puts a microscope on your life. In my reflective musing I’ve noticed that I’ve become more superstitious, regarding infertility. I am an extremely analytical and logical person so this is not in my nature. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, infertility makes you crazy!

Case and point, I was just thinking about the day that our IUI might fall on, and I’m betting (and hoping for) Jan. 3. For one I have the morning off work, but also because 3 is my lucky number. Also, if it were to work on Jan. 3 it would make my due date Sept. 26, which is my hubby’s birthday as well as his mothers. I know of people who wear lucky socks for IUI’s or IVF treatments (I don’t like socks, otherwise I would be all over this). I can tell you I will be wearing something purple on the day of the IUI.

I also fear I’ve done things to jinx myself, which again I know is stupid. But before we started ttc I knew my mother in law as chomping at the bit for us to have kids, and I said to a friend, “won’t she feel bad if I end up not being able to get pregnant”. Um, yup pretty sure she probably does now, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. In fact I feel, like shit too so that comment came back to bite me in the ass.

I also have a pregnancy “guide book” in my night stand that I bought a few months before we started trying, because it had some preconception stuff in it, and I figured I would need the rest of the chapters fairly shortly after that purchase anyways. And I may have read ahead to see what was In my future. Yeah that was a bit premature and now that book burns and calls to me from the drawer. I almost want to throw it out just out of spite.

Another purchase like this that I have in my house, sending out its siren call is a cute little bib hanging in our spare room (to be nursery) closet. I bought it a couple of months before we started ttc because I was out buying things for the baby my friend was about to have and I couldn’t resist. It had a cute saying on it that was sone thing special between J and I. It’s the only baby related thing I’ve allowed myself to buy, but again it was a bit a lot premature.

I keep thinking, if I only did this, or only did that maybe it would have worked by now. But I know that’s not really the case. It’s science, biology and maybe a little bit of luck. I’m already thinking forward to the next IUI in February (if we get to that one) and the serendipitous circumstances it could bring. If we end up doing an IUI in February we will find out if it worked or not on or around my birthday.

On my 27th birthday I may be standing at a fork in the road, each offering big change. Either I will head towards motherhood, or looking at uprooting our lives for a different adventure. It will offer some relief either way, and I can’t wait to move from the spot I’ve been standing in for too long.