It’s the Final Countdown!/Relationship Challenge Day 15

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Well, IUI #3 is in the books now. I was trying to stay cool but I get sooo anxious the morning of the IUIs it literally makes me sick to my stomach (I have a nervous tummy). I tried to preempt the nauseau by taking some pepto bismal and a ginger tablet this morning when I got up. It helped a little but I still felt pretty ill. Couldn’t eat breakfast, and even the tea I had between the time when J gave his sample, and they called us back was churning my tummy.

We were both more outwardly calm this time, except when we got there I realized my wallet was still in my gym bag from last night, so J had to pay. Only, his credit card was maxed because he has a low limit and he just bought a really expensive camera. So we did a little quick online banking and moved money onto his debit card. Thank goodness for banking apps, and smart phones! I swear, there is always some sort of hiccup, every time we go to the clinic. But, this was rather minor and fixed quickly, it just set us on edge for a moment.

So anywho, he gave his sample (no blood in it, like last time. Yay!). So we went to get a coffee/tea and kill some time before they were done with the washing. So we left at 8:15, they told us it would be about 45 minutes but to come back in half an hour just to be safe. So we did, back by 8:45, waiting, waiting, it’s past 9, now it’s almost 9:30, what the hell is going on, is there a problem? So finally just after 9:30 they took us back, and apologized for the wait as they were using a different washing protocol and it took longer than normal. Ok, well at least nothing was wrong. His count was 16 million post wash, Not his worst, but not great either. I think she said it was 43% motility, and they were all at level 4 for forward movement (best score, out of a scale of 0 – 4).

We had a different nurse, yet again. The clinic is very large and they have a lot of different staff. The only one that stays constant is the receptionist. She is young (ok, like my age probably), black hair, and lots of tattoos. She doesn’t have the friendliest demeanor, she’s just very mechanical. It seemed as though she had a trainee today though, as a different lady checked us in today (under Tattoo’s watchful eye). We have never had the same nurse, or lab tech through all 3 of our IUIs.

The nurse we had today was really nice, and very thorough but she took the longest actually doing the IUI and it was the most uncomfortable one. I’m sure J hates that part because I scrunched my face at the pain, and try to just breathe, and I know he knows it’s hurting me. But, I told him he is off the hook now. He did his part, and now there is nothing more either of us can do but wait.

Before the IUI, the nurse asked me what cycle day it was, and when I got my positive OPK. I told her it was positive last night, and then again this morning still (yes, I tested again and both types of OPKs I used were positive). She didn’t scold me for testing again in the morning but she told me I didn’t need to do that. I said, I know I was just curious, and since we’re not doing another IUI I don’t need to be stingy about using them up. She said they’ve had patients who would get a positive one day and then not the next morning, and cancel their IUI because of it.

I knew even if it was negative this morning, doesn’t mean anything because yesterday could have been the tail end of the surge. Plus, prior to doing IUIs I used to test in the morning and I found that when I did that I seemed to always ovulate the same day as the positive OPK (based on BBT), so it makes most sense that I do it in the afternoon, as requested by the clinic to catch the beginning of the surge, so I go for the IUI on the correct day.

Anyways, I digress. Onto my final (for an indeterminate amount of time) TWW!

*I forgot to add, my beta is set for Feb. 14. How ironic…Lucky we don’t celebrate Valentines Day or that could potentially be a really shitty day. Alternatively, perhaps after this one we might want to celebrate it.

Relationship Challenge Day 15:

Consider Some Hard Facts about Shared Work
One obstacle to happiness? Feeling resentful when another person won’t do his or her share of work. Consider these facts about shared work:
Fact 1: Work done by others sounds easy. How hard can it be to take care of a newborn baby who sleeps twenty hours a day? To return a few phone calls? To fill out some forms? Often, daily work by other people sounds easy. This fact leads us to under-estimate how onerous a particular task is, and that makes it easy to assume that we don’t need to help or provide support.
Fact 2: When you’re doing a job that benefits others, it’s easy to assume that they’re aware of your work—that they should feel grateful, and that they feel guilty about not helping you.
But no! Often, the more reliably you perform a task, the less likely it is for someone to notice that you’re doing it, and to feel grateful, and to feel any impulse to help or to take a turn. You think, “I’ve been taking out the garbage for weeks! When do I get a break?” In fact, the longer you take out the garbage, the less likely it is that someone will do it.
Fact 3: If you care more about a task being done, you’re more likely to end up doing it–and just because you care about it doesn’t mean that others feel the same way. You think it’s important to clean out the basement, and you expect your spouse to share the work, but your spouse thinks, “We never use the basement anyway, so why bother?” People are much less likely to share work they deem unimportant. At least not without a lot of nagging.
Fact 4. If you want someone else to do a task, don’t do it yourself. This sounds obvious, but think about it. If you think you shouldn’t have to do it—don’t. Someone else is a lot more likely to do it if you don’t do it first. Of course, this doesn’t always work. Someone must get the kids ready for school. But many tasks are optional.
So resolve to “Consider the hard facts about shared work,” and see if these points alter the way you think about work you share with others.

I don’t have a lot to elaborate on this, because it is all very true. Basically, if you want something done right (aka your version of right) do it yourself, and if you don’t want to do it, don’t complain when someone else does it, but not to your standards. I find there are chores that J or I don’t mind doing, and ones that we each hate. We try and be fair, dividing things up but sometimes I do feel like I always cook dinner, or I always take the dogs to the the groomers. It’s not true that it is an always or never situation, but it feels like it sometimes. It’s good to keep in mind that there are probably things that J does that I don’t take note of. I can try and be appreciative of the tasks that he always takes care of. But overall, I think we have a pretty good divide.

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IComLeavWe/Relationship Challenge: Days 6 & 7

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I’m late, I’m late for a very important date! Today is the first day of IComLeavWe, and it is my first time ever participating. I’ve noticed some people give a little synopsis for those that come to their blogs for the first time through IComLeavWe, so I figure as a newbie, I would do the same. So here’s where I’m at;

My hubby, J, and I have been TTC for 18 months, we are on our 21st cycle, and due for an IUI around Jan. 30. I have had an HSG with no blockages showing, I ovulate on my own and have no major issues, besides having no EWCM (ever!) and I used to have a slightly short luteal phase (that’s been corrected with supplements). J has a low side of normal sperm count and motility and below average morphology. Our RE recommended 3 rounds of IUI to help combat our male factor issues. After that, if it doesn’t work, we will have to have another chat to discuss the next step. I am on 50mg of Clomid from CD3 – 7, and I am unmonitored. So I book 3 tentative dates for the IUI, and then use OPK’s. Once I get a positive I go to the clinic the next morning and away we go. This will be our 3rd IUI attempt and our last cycle of trying for an indeterminate amount of time.

We’ve decided to call it quits for a year (or two) if this cycle doesn’t work. I know that seems crazy to some people, but fortunately I have (a little) time on my side, being only 26 (well 27 next month) years old. Though I would prefer that I was a younger mom, and that I already had a baby if that’s not going to be the case then I need to take my life in another direction for a little while. J and I both want to move cities, and luckily his job could take us virtually anywhere in the world, but ever since we’ve started TTC we have been paused in life, stuck in limbo at a fork in the road. So we are taking back control so that we don’t lose our sanity.

So that’s me in a nutshell, hopefully some of you ICLWer’s get to know me a bit more throughout the week. I am also currently partaking in a relationship challenge through Gretchen Rubin’s website for the Happiness Project. It is an email that gets sent to me daily with tips and ideas that I can use to strengthen and improve my relationship. I feel that J and I are very strong, especially after all we’ve been through but marriage takes work (I never understood this until I was in one) and I am a keener. So I figured if we’re adding stress to our relationship with our TTC efforts I could work on counteracting that! Therefore I present you with Relationship Challenge: Day 6 Dig Deep & 7 Abandon Your Self-Control  (I’ve been a little busy lately and missed yesterday, posting every day is hard!);

Dig Deep

“As part of my Happiness Projects, I’ve identified my Twelve Personal Commandments—the twelve overarching principles I use to guide my thoughts and behavior. (If you’re curious, you can read them here.)

“I read your personal commandments,” a friend told me. “I came up with my own commandments, but I only have four.”

“Oh, what are they?” I asked. I loved hearing other people’s commandments. She listed them: “‘Reach out,’ ‘Love your mother,’ ‘Show and tell,’ and ‘Dig deep’.”

“Those are really good,” I said admiringly. “I especially like ‘Dig deep.’ I’m going to adopt that resolution myself.” 

In my case, I especially need to dig deep with my children. Too often, I speak sharply, lose my patience, or make my (supposedly terrifying) mean face. Controlling my quick irritation is something I struggle to do every day.

We can’t yell and nag our way toward the loving, peaceful, tender atmosphere that we all want to foster at home. 

Resolve to “Dig deep” to react with humor, with patience, with calm. Easier said than done, right? But it’s worth the effort.”

This one takes constant vigilance, you have to always think before you speak, no snap reactions of snark or bite. I always feel so awkward when your with another couple, or a group of people and two people start getting sharp and terse with each other. I hate being that person, and it happens rarely in front of other people but it happens more than I would like in the privacy of our own home, or car. A sharp word, comment, or look really hurts my feelings so I try to stay calm, even when I am really annoyed. It’s a good thing to remember, especially in times of difficulty. I need to gain support, not push J away.

Abandon Your Self-Control

“Instead of working to strengthen your self-control, consider abandoning your self-control, by using the strategy of abstinence. Perhaps surprisingly, for many people, one of the easiest ways to resist temptation is to give something up altogether. 

For “abstainers,” it’s easier to decide that something is off-limits, and never indulge. For abstainers, abstaining requires no self-control; indulging in moderation requires enormous self-control. You spend too much time thinking, “Today, tomorrow?” “Does this count?” “Don’t I deserve this?” etc. As an abstainer, it’s easier to say, “I never eat French fries.” 

On the other hand, some people are “moderators” who do better when they act with moderation, because they feel trapped and rebellious at the thought of “never” getting or doing something. If you’re a moderator, it’s easier to say, “I can have a few French fries.” 

There’s no right way; different approaches work for different people. Recognizing which one suits your nature provides a very helpful strategy for resisting temptation.

The abstainer/moderator split affects relationships, because often a person of one camp will try to persuade a person in the other camp to convert. Abstainers tell moderators, “You should go cold turkey!” and moderators tell abstainers, “It’s not healthy to be so rigid, you should get more fun out of life.” Moderators don’t understand why abstainers don’t want to keep cookies in the house, and abstainers don’t understand why moderators seem to keep breaking their own rules.

Resolve to “Abandon your self-control.” Identify the strategy that allows you to forget about exercising self-control, in order to boost your self-control. And when people in your life are trying to abstain, or to be moderate, don’t interfere with the strategy that works for them.”

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p>Ok, this one really spoke to me. I am totally a moderator. If I tell myself that I absolutely cannot have something, I want it more than ever. I’ve tried to give up soda cold turkey and I just. can’t. do. it. I can manage for a few days but the fact that I have to think, “oh no I’m not allowed to have that. I’ll have to choose something else” it just makes me constantly think about what I’m denying myself. I’ve also read that if you exercise self control for one thing, you will have less of it for other things. It is like a muscle, it can only stretch so far, and then you have to release it, let it snap back and take a break.

I just can’t understand these hyper vigilant dieters who won’t touch carbs for years. No way. But at the same time I can see how to those types of people it is a slippery slope and they’d rather just not chance it. I, on the other hand, could buy a bag of chips/chocolate/insert your vice here and just have a little bit. It doesn’t take much to satiate me, so I can have a little treat and then leave it at that. Dr. Pepper is still my downfall though, and I just can’t deny that. Sometimes, you just have to allow yourself that one thing.

So welcome ICLW, don’t be lurkers, I’d love to hear from you!