It’s Not Over, Until It’s Over

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But I’m pretty sure it’s over. I cheated, and I tested today instead of tomorrow and got a Big Fat Negative. I rationalized it in that if I did it tomorrow morning, no matter negative or positive, I wouldn’t want to go to work after. Plus I wanted to be able to share it with J and he’ll be gone early tomorrow morning.

With a FRER, they are apparently 78% accurate within 4 days of your expected period (Thursday for me) so there is a chance it was too early, and I said as much to J, but I don’t think it was. I think I’m just not pregnant. I feel exactly the same as I do every month. The intermittent, very short bouts of cramping has begun. My boobs have been a bit achy, which happens every month before AF.

So J said we’ll wait till Wednesday and test again but we ‘re both acting as though it’s not going to happen, and looking ahead to plans for the future, where we might move, how we’ll break it to the parents (the fact that we’re leaving, as well as the fact that we’re still not pregnant).

But I realise there’s still a chance. And that fact is going to drive me crazy for the next 4 days. It’s not over till the fat lady sings (or the red lady shows, I guess) so I’ll be keeping an eye on my BBT and testing again Wednesday with my last FRER. I’ll keep you all apprised of the ongoing saga as soon as I have something more definitive to share…

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Patience is not a virtue I possess

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Well I won’t keep you all waiting in suspense. I’m posting this from my phone while still in bed because I woke up super early and couldn’t fall back asleep so I knew it was time to test.

It was stark white. BFN. I can’t say I’m surprised but you always get that swell of hope rising in your chest as you wait for the test to develop and then when you see that single line that hope wooshes out of your body leaving you deflated and empty. It felt the same this month as it has every other month.

I know some will say it’s still early, which it sort of is, but I think it’s already over. I’m formulating my game plan for my next cycle already. So that’s about all I’ve got for now. I’m going to watch the Golden Globes tonight and eat ice cream while wrapped in my fluffy duvet while J watches football in the other room. How romantic! Happy Sunday everyone!

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