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I’ve been back at work for almost 2 months now. It’s been a blur of busy-ness, and illness (mainly baby girl, and mainly from the petri dish that is daycare). I’m feeling a bit run ragged, and I think that J and I are still figuring this balance of me being back at work. Doesn’t help that I’ve also been sick for the past 2 1/2 weeks. But I have this stuck feeling. It’s a similar feeling to before I went on mat leave, before we even got pregnant. At the time, I thought I was feeling that way because we were going through infertility, and then I thought it was just pregnancy hormones, tiredness, ect.
But it seems that it wasn’t, because here I am, still feeling stuck. I didn’t think having a baby would fix my life and complete me (though she is a great addition to our lives) but I thought I would be feeling more satisfied and balanced than I am. I’ve looked at changing jobs but I don’t know what I would do, what I am even qualified for (outside of my field) plus the economy at the moment is not great for job hunting. J and I have talked about moving next year, whether it be just moving houses, or moving cities altogether. I’ve always been moving towards some thing; a goal, an event, something. I don’t know how to just be. Plus I’m tired, and stressed a lot of the time so that probably doesn’t help. I’m mostly just moaning here, because I don’t know what else to do. Life just feels like a rat race lately, and this mama is tired of runnin’.
Oh yeah, and a Happy Halloween!