I was a fool to believe
A fool to believe
It all ends today
Yes it all ends today
Today’s the day
When dreaming ends
Inside my heart is breaking
My makeup may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
The show must go on.
“The Show Must Go On” – Moulin Rouge
Pretty much sums it up. BFN this morning, pink tinge when I wiped last night. It’s not AF but it may as well be. I’ll elaborate further when I’ve collected my thoughts.
But I’m pretty sure it’s over. I cheated, and I tested today instead of tomorrow and got a Big Fat Negative. I rationalized it in that if I did it tomorrow morning, no matter negative or positive, I wouldn’t want to go to work after. Plus I wanted to be able to share it with J and he’ll be gone early tomorrow morning.
With a FRER, they are apparently 78% accurate within 4 days of your expected period (Thursday for me) so there is a chance it was too early, and I said as much to J, but I don’t think it was. I think I’m just not pregnant. I feel exactly the same as I do every month. The intermittent, very short bouts of cramping has begun. My boobs have been a bit achy, which happens every month before AF.
So J said we’ll wait till Wednesday and test again but we ‘re both acting as though it’s not going to happen, and looking ahead to plans for the future, where we might move, how we’ll break it to the parents (the fact that we’re leaving, as well as the fact that we’re still not pregnant).
But I realise there’s still a chance. And that fact is going to drive me crazy for the next 4 days. It’s not over till the fat lady sings (or the red lady shows, I guess) so I’ll be keeping an eye on my BBT and testing again Wednesday with my last FRER. I’ll keep you all apprised of the ongoing saga as soon as I have something more definitive to share…