A Change in Seasons


I think I can safely say Spring might be here, at least for right now, although the forecast is calling for possible wet snow on Thursday. Such is life in my part of the world. The trees are starting to bud, and all life that was hibernating through our looong winter is finally starting to pop up. It is a time of renewal, and all that jazz. Spring cleaning begins, people finally venture outdoors (joggers abound!), and the increase in daylight brightens everyone’s mood.

I am feeling more calm and positive (most of the time) looking toward the future. On Friday we found out that J’s company has gone with another applicant for the job transfer we were waiting to hear about. Only two weeks after they said they’d get back to him. Nothing like leaving us in pained suspense. He’s applied to a couple of other ones, one outside of the US, but still doesn’t have a very good likelihood of panning out. J was extremely bummed about not getting the position we were waiting on. He thought maybe it was a good sign that we had to wait so long. As bummed as I was, I think I was buoyed by the fact that we have a plan in regards to IVF so either way we have an option.

When he first started applying for job transfers (after our last failed IUI) I was so excited when he would apply for a new location, and then so let down when he would receive the “thanks, but no thanks” email. We both sort of assumed that it would just work out (ha, sounds familiar). He has known other people in his company that have transferred, and it was more of a question where and when they went, not if. Times (and economies) have changed I guess.

Because I assumed we would be leaving (when, not if) I sort of had that mentality with my own job. Not that I was doing a bad job, or anything but the things that I was sick of, and irritated by seemed to be magnified. In my mind I wouldn’t have to put up with it much longer, but as it came to be less and less likely that we would get a transfer I became more disappointed as I had already sort of mentally checked out. I do like my job most days, but when I am in such a difficult place in life, work becomes an annoyance.

So in any case, it looks like I will be staying in my current job for the time being. If we do IVF in August (with a possible frozen transfer in September, depending on how the retrieval goes) and have a successful pregnancy, that would put me due in May or June. So realistically I could be here for another year at least. I do still have another job in my back pocket, but if I am going to be pursing IVF, and possibly getting pregnant, it may not be so wise to jump ship right now. My current employer is pretty flexible when I have appointments (not that they know what it’s for). It will get a little trickier for IVF but I’ll figure it out. It would have to be quite a bit more money, and better benefits with this other company for me to consider it. I might have to investigate…

On a separate note, I am trying to bring more good things into my life (this seems to be a common sentiment with us infertiles). I want to be in a really good place for whatever comes down the road at us. Obviously, I’m trying to be on the eat healthy, work out bandwagon (which I suck at, and do not enjoy). But I am also trying to be around people who will raise me up, and not bring me down. Unfortunately, my (pregnant) best friend and I haven’t seen eachother in ages, and don’t talk a lot anymore. We just seem to have nothing in common anymore, plus she’s having her second child which makes things a bit awkward.

I have met someone who is on team IF, through this blog, who lives in my area (Hello invisiblyinfertile!). We met for coffee and it was sooo nice to have someone to talk to in person. Though I love all of the connections and support through the blogger world, it is different to have someone “in real life”. It is nice knowing I have someone local with who “gets it” (and goes to the same clinic, and might be pursuing IVF at the same time!). It doesn’t even always have to be about IF, but at least I can let my guard down, and just be who I am at this moment with this new friend.

I am also planning on seeing a psychologist to work through everything that’s gone on in the past, nearly two years, and gearing up for IVF which I’m sure will bring on a whole slew of new emotions. I’ve seen one previously for couples counselling (several years ago) and I found it immensely helpful. I’ve just been procrastinating on it, hoping that I would just handle it, but I have benefits coverage for it, so why would I not get help when it is available to me?

Trying to be proactive, and bring a little Spring into my life.