Relationship Challenge Day 12 & 13

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Ok, so apparently I am going to keep you in suspense about the daily relationship challenge by withholding a day and then doubling up. Seems to be a habit lately.

I am in the week of the IUI now. I started using OPK’s today, CD11 (negative), though I knew today would be too early. I am paranoid about missing it, since last cycle was my earliest positive OPK ever at CD12 (which happened to be the first day I tested). I think part of the reason is because I wasn’t really sure what to consider CD1 last cycle because AF came overnight. So I considered the evening before CD1 but I think that was a bad call and I started clomid too early and caused ovulation to be early. Luckily this cycle was more clearcut and I didn’t have to doubt it.

So I get to limit my liquid intake after my morning cup of tea, hold my bladder all afternoon and pee on a stick at work. Life is fun right now. I’m still trying not to get stressed out about it all yet, but my biggest thing is if the IUI falls on either Wednesday, or Thursday I am going to leave my office severely short staffed by calling in sick either of those days, and I feel bad. But at the same time, I feel like in the big scheme of things, isn’t my well being more important than a job? Or am I just being selfish?

I don’t necessarily need the whole day off but it will make me feel better to not have to rush to work afterwards and I am going to take it easy for the rest of the day in hopes it will give my body it’s best chance at making this work. Bedrest is recommended after IVF (I know this is not even close to the same thing) but it can’t be bad right?

So onto relationship challenge day 12 & 13

Day 12: Don’t Keep Score

One of my Twelve Personal Commandments—and one I struggle with constantly—is “No calculation.” This personal commandment is meant to remind me not to keep score, not to stint on love and generosity, not to keep track of who has done what.
It’s based on an observation by my spiritual master, St. Therese of Lisieux: “When one loves, one does not calculate.”
I have a real tendency to say, “I did this, so you have to do that” or “You had your turn, so I get my turn.” I remind myself, “No calculation,” when I find myself starting to start to bargain or trade or keep score.
It’s much more pleasant to feel grateful for a nice gesture, or to act out of love and generosity, than to squabble about the score.
Now, it’s true that every relationship involves some calculation. It wouldn’t be fair for one person to do everything, and the other person to do nothing. But if you’re in a relationship where things tend to balance out fairly, the atmosphere is much happier when you don’t keep score, when you don’t calculate, but just try to do the loving thing.
So remind yourself, “Don’t keep score,” and instead, act with love and generosity. 

This is so true. So so true. I don’t find that I do it as much, or at least not with big things. It’s more little things, like I cleaned the floor last time, or it’s his turn to make dinner. Minor things, but again, I shouldn’t be keeping score. But there was a time when we were in not such a good place and I would hold grudges. There’s the old adage that “holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – Buddha. And it’s so true, who is it hurting by me keeping tally of all of the bad things? I am much better at letting them go, and trying to think of all of the good things that I can appreciate.

Day 13: Ask for a Favor

As Benjamin Franklin recommended, “If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor.” Allow yourself to ask for a favor, for help, for advice, for suggestions.
Studies show that for happiness, providing support is just as important as getting support. By offering people a way to provide support, you generate good feelings in them. And on your side, asking for a favor is a sign of intimacy and trust. The fact that you’ve asked for a favor shows that you feel comfortable being indebted to someone.
So asking, and receiving, a favor generates good feelings on both sides.
One of my most helpful Secrets of Adulthood is “It’s okay to ask for help.” Asking for help is a very useful way of asking for a favor. I’m absolutely mystified by asking for help is so hard for me. So often, I can just solve a problem by asking for help—which is almost always freely and cheerfully given.
Resolve to “Ask for a favor.” It’s a surprisingly effective way to show affection and trust in a relationship.

I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. I am a very independent person, and generally don’t like to ask for help unless I’ve exhausted all other options. But it’s funny because reading this tip makes me think of a reccuring occurance between J and I. I will be looking for something (usually in the kitchen) and wonder outloud where said item is. J will immediately jump up and help me look. And sometimes he gets in the way, or he looks places I’ve already looked, or would have no idea where the item would be anyways. So now, a lot of the times, as soon as the words, “where is …” are out of my mouth, I tell J “Don’t move, I wasn’t asking for help, I was just wondering aloud!”. Perhaps I should let him help me, I’m sure it would make him feel good to be my knight in shining armour.

It’s going to be a big week, so look alive people, we’re on positive OPK watch!

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I Can’t Even Make This Sh*t Up

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I swear infertility is stalking me now, permeating every part of my life, even those areas I thought were safe. Last night I joined J at his boss’s house for their department Christmas get together, just a small gathering with around 10 or so people. Almost none of these people have children (actually come to think of it, I don’t know if any of them do…), so there were no kids around. Just a group of adults having a nice evening together. When I arrived they were just starting to play a murder/mystery game, one of those things where everyone gets a character and there are scripted interactions,  to lead your through and at the end you have to guess who is the murderer (kind of like a real life version of clue).

Throughout the game there are clues to add suspicion to some of the characters. Well one of the clues happened to be a prescription for fertility medication that one of the characters, “Tara”, had taken to get pregnant by her fiance’s twin brother. (I know, it was a weird game). It was funny because the fake prescription even had legit instructions on it like, take from cycle days 3 – 7…ect. But, the weirdest part, is that my dear hubby was playing the character of Tara’s fiance, who was unable to get her pregnant, which is why she was sleeping with his brother. So. Strange. When we got home later that night I mentioned to J how weird it was, and that as soon as the clue mentioned fertility meds, and the instructions did he not immediately think, oh Clomid!

Seriously, it was like a weird omen or something, because today is CD1, and I start Clomid on Monday. So, just as I suspected our cycle of “not trying” did not magically get us pregnant. As Lindsey at Awaiting Autumn says, it’s going to be a “Clomid Christmas”. Luckily last time I took Clomid it didn’t send me for a loop or anything, but I did have a lot of headaches. How fun for me over Christmas. Naaaawt! 

So I called the clinic today to book my IUI appointments for Jan. 2, 3, and 4. I have to use OPK’s and I only go in the day after I get a positive. I spoke to the nurse about in what situation would I have follice monitoring, and she said only when you are on injectables do they do that, and then the Dr. will trigger ovulation, and book your IUI for the appropriate day. I asked at what point do they recommend this, as I am only using Clomid and OPK’s at this point. She said usually they do 3 unmonitored cycles, and then move to something else (ie. injectables, IVF, whatever). Which is sort of what the Dr. M said, is that we would try 3 cycles just with Clomid (the stats for success decline drastically after 3 cycles of IUI) and then go from there. He didn’t say what would come after those 3 cycles, but I don’t really want to find out. I said to the nurse that using injectables probably gives a better chance as it is more accurate then? She said it is more accurate in pinpointing ovulation, because it is triggered and then they know how many follies we’re working with as well. She said that I could talk to the nurse and possibly my Dr. about doing that for my 3rd try (if we get to that point).

So I am glad I asked, and am taking charge. If we are setting a limit on ourselves to take an extended break from TTC to pursue other things in our lives after the 3rd cycle then I want to know that we gave it our best shot. Even though I am scared sh*tless about having to use injectables (and the possibility of multiples, dear gawd help me if that happens). So we’ll see where that goes. I know it is pessimistic to be thinking past the cycle I just started but I’ve got to think about these things, so I can stay on top of it all.

Also, interesting side note; I asked the nurse about how to count my CD if my period starts very late in the day/overnight (like it did this time) and she said if it starts after 4pm, the next day of full flow is your CD1. Good to know! On to cycle #20…

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