#Microblog Mondays: What I Do Know


Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.


Well, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve participated in #Microblog Mondays. Lately I’ve had a lot percolating in my brain, and now that the craziness of Christmas and New Year’s are over, hopefully I will have more time to put fingers to keyboard.

The whole question of another baby has been floating around in my brain, pretty much since I had BG. Not that I/we’ve felt in any way ready (emotionally, financially and otherwise) to have another baby yet, but the question of “if” still lingers. But here’s what I do know; I do want to be pregnant again. It was not all sunshine and lollipops, I wasn’t one of those people who loved being pregnant. I didn’t feel glowing and ethereal, I felt large and round. But, it was amazing, what the body can do (when finally coerced to do it, and cooperate…).

There was still a lot of fear when I was pregnant, but I was in awe of my body, never mind its past failings. And I want to experience that again. I have always, in the back of my mind, considered being a surrogate (once I knew I could successfully get pregnant, stay pregnant, and carry a baby to term). So my thought is, if we decide that we are one and done, I would love to be a surrogate for someone. Obviously I know how the process from an IVF standpoint but I do not know the legalities, and whether I would even fall in a criteria that would allow me to be a surrogate. Now that my body has proved it is capable (at least once), I would feel honored to be able to carry for someone else who cannot. Plus, selfishly, it would allow me to experience pregnancy again, without a take home baby. Obviously the experience would be very different from carrying my own child, but special in its own way.

The other side of that coin is, we decide we are going to have another, and we go and do it. Clearly, there are no guarantees in that, we have the embryos but my body still has to get on board. If we decided we were going to have another, I would probably shelve the surrogacy idea. I would love to be able to do it, but if we decide to try for another it wouldn’t be for another couple of years, plus pregnancy time, and time enough to safely get pregnant again (as a surrogate) would push me into or past my mid thirties. Which could potentially still be fine, but then I would be on my third pregnancy, and that I can’t imagine.

It’s all a bit of a dilemma. If we decide to try for another, and I don’t want to be a surrogate after that, I feel like I am being selfish. I know that’s sort of twisted logic. It also almost feels weird to think that I could be a surrogate when it took IVF for me to get pregnant, but as far as we know there were never any problems with my uterus, it was just getting sperm to egg that was the challenge. I also feel a bit selfish that I am dreaming of another pregnancy (whether my own baby, or someone elses’) when for some that isn’t even a possibility. Beyond all of that, I would be grateful, and honored to bring another baby into this world, my own or otherwise. So I guess I’ll have to leave it at that for now, and hope that at least one of those options might come to fruition.

6 thoughts on “#Microblog Mondays: What I Do Know

  1. It’s not selfish to think of another pregnancy. It’s not selfish to want to have the child from that pregnancy.

    I think you know that you need to make the decision about your family first, and only after that think about surrogacy if it is an option. I’m pretty sure that would be the first criteria of surrogacy anyway – to ensure that you are completely done with family building. As life with one gets easier, it might be easier to make the decision. Happy New Year!

    • Yes, that is one of the criteria so essentially surrogacy is a moot point until we decide what we’re doing with our own little family. I’m hoping things will become clearer as time goes on because right now they feel murky as ever.

  2. Definitely not selfish to want another baby! I go through the same thought process (though not a surrogate because I apparently can’t carry babies to term due to pre-eclampsia, so I’m sure that’s not a good qualification). That’s a lot to think about. Happy New Year!

  3. I definitely don’t think it’s selfish. I think you’re looking down two roads, wondering which one you’ll walk down. But both have their pros and cons — for you and for others.

  4. Echoing what others have said above, desiring a second pregnancy is not selfish. Certainly, anyone considering surrogacy cannot be considered selfish! Even thought I am a single mother to three (through foster-adoption), I still desire to feel a pregnancy. I hope your path becomes more evident to you, but in the meantime enjoy your family and Happy New Year!

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