#Microblog Mondays: Next Question


Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

There is a question that every infertile-turned-parent dreads; when are you having another? I haven’t exactly been outright asked (yet), but the topic has come up.

I have a weekly meetup with some moms that all met through a new moms group, and a couple weeks ago one of the moms asked if anyone was thinking of another baby. Most ladies shook their heads, as most of us have babies around six months old, it’s still a bit soon for most to be considering it. One of the moms is getting married this summer and she indicated a desire to get pregnant after the wedding. I kept mum and just shook my head, that no I would not want another anytime soon. It did come up at one point in our moms groups meetings that I conceived via IVF but I’m not sure anyone remembers.

The other day I was at my chiropractors office and there was another woman with a baby close to C’s age. We got to chatting a bit and somehow work came up, and she asked if I was going back to work after my mat. leave finished, to which I said yes. She replied with, “Oh just get enough hours in and do it all over again?” (meaning work my minimum number of hours to qualify for mat. leave again). I told her, no, that we may only have one or wait until she is closer to going to school before having another. She seemed momentarily taken aback, but did give some sort of polite, non-committal response before being rescued from our convo by the doctor.

I know these are just the first of what is sure to become a recurring conversation for the next several years until we either decide to try for another (and succeed or not…), or decide our family is complete with the three of us. I won’t even get started on the debate people get into about only children.

Just when you think your done with the “when are you going to have kids” question, it starts all over again.


14 thoughts on “#Microblog Mondays: Next Question

  1. I truly don’t understand how people have multiple kids very close in age. I can’t even imagine trying to handle the work of a newborn while having a still very needy toddler around. I’m definitely not sold yet on the idea of having another, but if we do, I really think I’d want my current little do to be more like 4 or 5.

  2. I struggle so much with people who ask personal questions about the desire for people to have kids at all. It’s such a personal decision that truly only really impacts your life. Why anyone thinks it is their business is beyond me. I get that people ask, “Do you have any children” when they meet me, but when I say no, that should be the end of the questions. Don’t ask me when I am going to, or tell me “Oh you really should have a couple (insert reasons why here)”.

    On another note it’s just a testimate to how the world works these days. We always want what’s next, we barely enjoy the moment we are in before we are rushing off to the next one.

    It’s been a thing in my life I’m trying very hard to change. I’m trying to remember not to wish my days away, or to rush through life just waiting for the weekend, or the next something.

    Just enjoy your baby. And when someone gets a little too pushy don’t be afraid to tell them it’s just simply none of their business.

    • So true, beyond the fact that I would find it extremely difficult to manage a new baby and a very young child, I am enjoying my one and only for the time being. Overly personal questions drive me nuts, being that I am naturally a very private person. I try to answer people in such a way so as not to encourage follow up questions ha ha.

    • Mali

      Lavonne responded with exactly the words I wanted to write. I am a firm believer in only answering questions that I want to answer, with people I want to share the information.

  3. Going through infertility, I’ve learned how inappropriate it is when people ask out others’ reproductive choices/activities. I guess I can’t really blame them, I didn’t realize before I was here how those questions and comments can hurt. So I assume they don’t know either. But it still doesn’t stop the sting. Hang in there and just enjoy your baby!

    • I guess being that I am a very private person, these are types of questions I wouldn’t ask, because I would never want them asked of me. I mostly just ignore, but it definitely makes me bristle a bit still.

  4. I still get it sometimes and the twins are 11. Or, even worse for me, the person talks about how lucky we were done in one fell swoop and then this compulsive part of me feels the need to tell them that we just failed to get pregnant again.

  5. I think I first got the question about whether or not I wanted/would have another one less than a week after my daughter was born (daughter was a 28w4d preemie, so I think that the questions closer to her birth was more of a veiled ‘are you capable of bearing another one’…still not in bounds, but more explicable). It’s definitely a sting-y question for me – I know if we only have the one, I’ll eventually move on and be perfectly happy – but having lost my only sibling in the past year, it’s taken on a new achiness because I really would love for my daughter to have a sibling in due time. I also know there’s a good chance it won’t happen.

  6. Before I left the maternity ward after having AJ, one of the nurses said: See you again in two years! Sigh. I chose to take it as a compliment that I was just that good at having babies and caring for them. Mostly. It still stings more than a bit because I’d like to believe it’s that straightforward.

    But all angst aside, I think you are 100% right to enjoy the moment.

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