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I started writing this post last night before bed to be all prompt and schedule it for this morning. Well I wrote it and deleted it twice before giving up and going to bed. So here I am again, in bed, trying to finish writing it but my thoughts are buzzing, too scattered and I can’t pin any one thing at the moment.
What to do about a crumbling relationship (not mine) in which one or both parties are seriously considering throwing in the towel? I feel powerless (because ultimately I am).
Why is my husband so grumpy lately (it seems like more than grumpy but comes in flashes)? Work (again…or still), his continued sleeplessness (this, too, is an ongoing problem), new parental stresses?
How can I learn to be a better partner, but also ask the same of him?
How can my days feel so busy, yet at times boring and filled with nothingness (I feel badly that time with my daughter can be boring but entertaining an infant day in and day out is not always fun)?
The future is blurry, not unlike how it was while we were struggling with IF. I’m still adjusting to this new life, and new role. Sometimes I feel great, we have a rhythm and everything just clicks. Other times I feel foggy and uncertain, which makes actions and decisions take longer, with more difficulty.
For now, I lay it all down. I hear a helicopter overhead, no doubt landing at the hospital mere blocks from my home. So I’ll just be thankful for my safe and healthy family today, and go to bed.