#Microblog Mondays: Scattered

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Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
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I started writing this post last night before bed to be all prompt and schedule it for this morning. Well I wrote it and deleted it twice before giving up and going to bed. So here I am again, in bed, trying to finish writing it but my thoughts are buzzing, too scattered and I can’t pin any one thing at the moment. 

What to do about a crumbling relationship (not mine) in which one or both parties are seriously considering throwing in the towel? I feel powerless (because ultimately I am). 

Why is my husband so grumpy lately (it seems like more than grumpy but comes in flashes)? Work (again…or still), his continued sleeplessness (this, too, is an ongoing problem), new parental stresses? 

How can I learn to be a better partner, but also ask the same of him? 

How can my days feel so busy, yet at times boring and filled with nothingness (I feel badly that time with my daughter can be boring but entertaining an infant day in and day out is not always fun)?

The future is blurry, not unlike how it was while we were struggling with IF. I’m still adjusting to this new life, and new role. Sometimes I feel great, we have a rhythm and everything just clicks. Other times I feel foggy and uncertain, which makes actions and decisions take longer, with more difficulty. 

For now, I lay it all down. I hear a helicopter overhead, no doubt landing at the hospital mere blocks from my home. So I’ll just be thankful for my safe and healthy family today, and go to bed. 

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11 thoughts on “#Microblog Mondays: Scattered

  1. Um, yes. Babies are boring. No one tells you this. It isn’t that I don’t love my child immensely, but the idea that I would find his every waking moment completely wonderful is odd to me. Nope. I’m a grown up. Sometimes I like to read, debate current events, even use big words!

    I’m also at a point where the future seems a little blurry, but in a different way from IF. At least with IF, there were treatments and protocols. Life, it turns out, is a little less programmatic. Its the open-endedness that feels strange.

    Which is all to say… I hear you.

  2. Jane Allen

    It’s hard. In the very early days I resented my husband as he went back to work and could go to the gym and do his usual activities, while I as tied to the baby. It as as if his life didn’t change at all. We’ve done a lot in terms of splitting reponsibilities, but it still seems like I’m the default parent. At times, I just hand her over to him and say I’m going out for a while.

    • Yeah, I definitely feel like the default parent even though my husband is very good about trying to help me. Sometimes I bring it on myself because it’s just easier for me to do something than get him to do it (bad trap to fall into). I know I can leave baby girl with him as I please, but being on mat leave means no matter what I am her primary caregiver (I’m Canadian so I get a year). I just finished reading “All Joy and No Fun” and it kind of deflated me because it’s seems moms are just wired to take on more of the parenting, sometimes even just the extra mental stuff like worries, appts, milestones, ect.

  3. All I can say is that those first years, everything is in flux. You’re figure out a new rhythm — in all facets of life — and once you find it, everything changes again. Be easy on yourself and on each other. It’s really hard to find your footing when things keep shifting.

  4. Yes I have the husband resentment too. He does his social stuff while I’ve got a baby glued to my boob. I love my son. I love breastfeeding, but I’ve got a case of Mommy guilt when I leave him. I finally said fuck it and booked a hair appointment tomorrow night. Are there any at home activities you can do with baby to make life more interesting? Sometimes I take on too much to pass the time (i.e. create a new pantry closet), but it makes me feel productive and accomplished.

    • I don’t feel too bad when I leave her but sometimes it’s just a pain in the arse because I have to take milk out for a bottle, which means I’ll need to pump later and I try and coordinate her routine with whatever I am doing. But I did start back with my bowling league last week, so this momma gets to go out every Thursday for some adult company (and drinks! Lol). We generally have activities outside the house most days, even if it’s just a chiro appt, or a trip to the library it gives my day more shape. Otherwise when she sleeps I clean, read blogs, eat, watch tv and think of things I could be doing. But when she’s awake I try and focus solely on her and now we’re into solids so that’s taking up more time and making more mess! But I guess that’s what being on mat leave is all about!

      • So true! It also seems like we’ve got something everyday of the week. I went out last Friday to a friends and let me say pumping is a pain in the ass. Get home at 11pm and realize I need to pump again cuz he isn’t going to eat that much right away.

  5. I remember when we first started getting foster kids. My life didn’t feel like my own anymore and hubby and I both felt the extreme pressure of change. Just hold on tight and try to take time for yourself and your husband when you get time and it will get better.

  6. nonsequiturchica

    Oh yes infants are boring. I took a lot of pictures and tried to be stimulating, but I also read a lot of books and blogs (especially while she was nursing). It gets better when they start to smile, play with things, sit up, crawl, etc.

    As far as the crumbling relationship? If it’s not yours, then I would stay out of it. Hard to do if it’s someone close but it is not your relationship and no matter how close you are to the couple, you don’t know 100% what is going on.

    • Yes, it’s definitely gotten better over time, now that she’s 5 months she’s much more interactive, yet still doesn’t do much ha ha.
      I’m definitely staying out of the relationship issues (I was actually sort of brought into it by the wife who dumped it on my lap, not to ask for help but she was just tired of hiding it). I’d like to just be there as a support, in general, not necessarily in their relationship but I don’t even know how to do that so I’m going to let it play out unless specifically asked for help.

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