#Microblog Mondays: The Green Eyed Monster Lives On

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Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.                 

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While struggling to conceive and all throughout our fertility treatments those who became pregnant, made pregnancy announcements, had baby photos, mentioned anything to do with babies, starting a family, ect. received thoughts of jealousy and depending on the person, sheer annoyance. I know this is not unique to me. The interesting thing is now that I have a baby of my own, I still have these feelings. 

While in the hospital just after having baby C, a friend of a friend posted a pregnancy announcement for her third child on Face.book. Something about adding more laundry to their family with a little onsie hanging on a clothesline. It was cute, but I immediately rolled my eyes and scrolled past; while in the hospital with a baby if my own, I still viewed it with disdain. Maybe because the cutesy Face.book announcement isn’t my style, or that I’m not personally friends with her, maybe that would change my feelings, but only to a point. 

A couple of weeks after baby C was born, my mom told me my cousin was pregnant. I’m not surprised as she’s been married for a couple if years, and they are my age. In society’s eyes, the perfect time to start a family. I am happy for her, she is a family member I have always got on well with, and we grew up close being that we are only 3 months apart in age. But it still stings. And I think it always will. Despite the fact that I got my wish, it was certainly not without pain and struggle. And that doesn’t go away easily. 

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10 thoughts on “#Microblog Mondays: The Green Eyed Monster Lives On

    • Yup, I still have that feeling of “it’s not fair” which it’s not but such is life. Easier said than done but I need to move forward because no one gives any thought to my difficulties.

  1. Jane Allen

    It doesn’t go away. I wrote about an old friend who is pregnant with baby #3. She’s turning 40 next month, only has one ovary and conceives the first month after she stopps breastfeeding. Could it be fucking easier? I am totally happy for her, but seriously, could it be any easier for them [referring to just getting pregnant]

    • That’s exactly it. Not that I would wish IF on anyone, but they (non-IFers) don’t appreciate what they have. I just want acknowledgment of the difficulties that do exist.

  2. It still stings for me, too. It depends on the person making the announcement. For some, I can jump straight to happiness and feel nothing negative. For others, I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

  3. Infertility changes who you are in a way, sometimes for the better. You are more compassionate towards people’s suffering. On the other hand, when others become pregnant with their veil of innocence still firmly attached, it still stings because it reminds us of what we lost along the journey.

    • This is true, and I feel badly that I can’t always be happy for people when they fall pregnant. I feel as though I have more compassion for others in some regards, yet more bitterness in other instances.

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