#Microblog Mondays: The Worth of a Woman

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Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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Society is generally very family-centric, and a large amount of value is placed on parenting, and being a parent. It feels very dismissive to those of us who don’t yet have children, are struggling to have them, choose not to have them, or have that choice made for us. I sometimes feel as though I’m not living up to my full potential as seen by others,

“You’ll know once you have children”

“Everything is different once you have kids”

“My life felt so empty until I had children”.

Just a few comments I’ve endured. It makes me feel I’m not as valued as someone with children. Am I not a contributing member of society, as a tax payer, as a career woman, as a daughter, a wife, a friend? I’m tired of being considered a second class citizen.

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13 thoughts on “#Microblog Mondays: The Worth of a Woman

  1. mamajo23

    The people who say things like that are often the people who have a mid-life crisis. It is far more important to have your own independent identity and sense of self and then having kids is a bonus or gift- not your whole identity. There is a lot of life lived without kids in the home even if you don’t suffer through IF. Sorry you have to endure these comments but find peace in the fact that all of us have to face head on who we are without kids which I am hoping means we skip the mid life crisis 🙂

  2. “My life was so empty until I had children”. Really? That one is kind of sad. I’d ask why? Children do fill your time but they do not make you make you happy. In fact, that is NOT their job. Yep, I used to hear a lot of platitudes as well.

  3. Lacey

    We have a couple of friends that can’t comprehend infertility. They’ve had three naturally and easily and if it were up to the wife, they’d be onto number 4. She, along with another friend, constantly say things like “My life was not complete until I had children,” or “Just wait until you have children, and then your thinking about things will change.” I don’t know, but every time I walk away from them I just think about their insensitivity. It isn’t always easy for some people. I hate being told “You’ll understand once you have kids.” It just takes me deeper into that negative place that I’m trying to pull myself out of.

  4. Nothing shuts up people faster than chuckling and saying emphatically: “I agree. My life is empty and I don’t understand ANYTHING.” Sometimes I think they just need to hear the words to realize how hurtful (and ridiculous) they sound.

  5. I have the exact same feeling. You just don’t belong to society/your job/your family if you don’t have kids. People always see me more and more as a potential mother to be and not a person. Even in my job, my bosses constantly nag about who will be the next (and only to the women of course…). It’s humuliating and depressing because it’s like you’re missing out a hell lot of life, especially when you’re trying not to be too dramatic about infertility. It’s like a “mother” is the only important thing in life when I hear people talk to me like that.

    Infertile girl, try to think about your husband and how much you love him the next time you hear such a comment. I always try to do that, think about what I have instead of what I’m missing out.

    I also love the response of Mel, I will use it the next time somebody says something like that.

    • Yeah, it is annoying. And it’s not always said directly to me, it might be someone having a conversation near by or whatever. But seriously, people must have a pretty narrow vision of life to see things that way.

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