All throughout the process of trying to conceive, naturally, through IUIs and now IVF, all I’ve really wanted was a little control. But, alas, not only do you lose your dignity being subjected to multiple wandings, pokes, prods and being treated like a science experiment, you also lose control of your entire life. Plus paying thousands of dollars for it. Fun, hey!?
So, with this upcoming transfer cycle, although I still don’t really have any control I felt as though I had overcome the major hurdle of IVF/retrieval, and the transfer would be a piece of cake. Back in May, we booked to go to Las Vegas for my friend’s wedding in October. Not knowing how our IVF cycle was going to go, we just booked it and decided we would sort it out down the road. I think we thought that we would have already managed a transfer by that time, so the biggest worry was being pregnant in Vegas. Then, I found out I would be going to Alaska for work in September, and was slightly concerned that having two trips within a month of each other might prove to be problematic.
Once I got my period after my retrieval I was able to start counting the days for the transfer. I didn’t have all of the details of the process, but I figured it should be ok. Once I got the schedule for the transfer and I started counting the days, I quickly found that Alaska would be fine. I may have been looking at starting the nasal spray (on CD21) while I’m there, but I could deal with that. Counting from my next tentative CD1 (somewhere towards the end of Sept. or beginning of Oct.), I would have to start estrogen on CD3 for 12 – 14 days after which point they would check to make sure my lining was at 8mm which is considered day “0”, then 5 days later, when my lining is in sync with the day 5 embryos, the transfer would be performed. This would put the transfer somewhere in the week of Oct. 19 – 25.
We leave for Las Vegas on Oct. 24, very early in the morning, so there wouldn’t even be a chance of transfer and then hop on a plane. We have non refundable flights, I bought show tickets for the evening we get in for J’s birthday this month, and my friend’s wedding is on the Saturday. The flights that weekend are super full so even if we could change them it would cost a small fortune. Obviously money is not the be all end all as I’ve thrown thousands at my uterus to no avail (yet), but I have a little more control over this situation. I just have to delay the transfer cycle.
Ever since the clinic gave me the protocol and I counted the tentative days I knew it was going to be tight, but do-able I figured. So long as AF cooperated. But why would she, why can’t one tiny fucking thing work in my favour!? I should have gotten my period Monday, or even yesterday (by normal standards). It is now CD29 going on 30 and she still hasn’t made an appearance. I have been feeling cramps since Saturday, and thought “ok, here we go”. And then nothing. So frustrating. I know my cycles may still be a bit jacked up from the IVF meds, and the fact that I was on birth control from February to July, which kept me fairly regular. But seriously, cut me some freakin’ slack here, Universe!
Now that my CD1 has seemingly been bumped and bumped, it is going to be near impossible to start the transfer process this cycle, barring some sort of miracle. I could cancel the trip right now, and go gung-ho at the transfer, or I could start the transfer process and wait to see if the transfer date will interfere with the trip, at which point I can either scrap the cycle, or the trip (last-minute decision). Or, I can delay by a month, take the trip, and get both things by sacrificing one more month of life to infertility. I’d rather that, than give up the trip to infertility. Maybe I’m being selfish, or silly, but I can control when I start the transfer process, so I am taking that and holding on.
I am planning on calling the clinic anyways, once CD1 arrives, just to give them the rundown of the situation and hope they have some sort of hail mary plan they can throw at it. Unless my period is exceedingly late, then it may still work after all. But it would have to be like a week late, which in an of itself causes more questions, and possibly bigger issues.
Last crazy thought rattling around in my head…the 1% of me that thinks “holy shit what if I got pregnant…naturally!” But that’s ridiculous right? Because if it hasn’t happened in two years of trying, I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen in one month of not trying, coming down from all sorts of crazy IVF hormones. So mostly I am being stupid even thinking it. Plus I would be livid if that happened! Is that weird, that an infertile would be irate at getting pregnant naturally? I have babies, they’re frozen and waiting for me!
So let’s hope for a CD1 around…Sept. 6 and then let’s delay CD1 in October too, just so we can leave Vegas out of the equation…mmmk?