The Lucky Ones


This week two of my IVF buddies have had less than stellar news, both to do with the quality of their embryos. Both had stimulated well, and had high hopes for the number of quality embryos they might have only to find out this would not be the case. In an instant my perspective changed; am I the lucky one? Throughout this journey and in life I’ve never considered myself “lucky”. Lucky to have suffered through a year of trying naturally with no success? Lucky to have been diagnosed infertile? Lucky to have tried, and failed 3 IUIs? Lucky to have had to endure IVF, as my last resort for biological children (still with no promise that that will be the result)?

In my mind, those that get pregnant in the first month are the lucky ones, or just as they are seeking IF treatment, those elusive two lines make their appearance. Even the ones who have success with IUIs, although I wish no one had to get to even that point. But then there are those who see me as the lucky one, to have five good quality (one perfect) day five embryos waiting on ice for me, when there are others who end up with four, two, none? There are those who have to do multiple rounds of IVF, suffer through OHSS, end up with no viable embryos, learn that IVF will not be the solution to their infertility. Not to say that my battle is over, my embryos do not promise me a flesh and blood baby to take home (yet), but I do have them for now. Others may see my cycle and see me as lucky.

Puts things into perspective. I suppose although there are people I look to thinking “I wish that were me”, there are people that look to me and think the same. I try and remember this as I wish I had more embryos, that I wish an IUI had work for us, when I wish we had succeeded naturally. Maybe I am one of the lucky ones?

*I won’t count my chickens though, for all I know, all my of embryos could be crap.

13 thoughts on “The Lucky Ones

  1. julieann081

    I am so sorry to hear about both of your friends. You have written about a very real fear that I have. I am wishing you and your friends all the very best. ❤

    • Thank you, it was a hard week. I had that survivors guilt, like when an infertile gets pregnant, because the outcome of my cycle was better. I expected both of them to do similarly to or better than me, but it made me realise that IVF is not magic, just an imperfect science. But I think all of us would agree that we had to take this next step, even not knowing if it would work. It’s a leap of faith, I suppose.

  2. My husband and I had a big talk about this concept of being the “lucky ones” this week. We both are praying to be in a situation like you after our IVF – either PUPO after a fresh transfer and then pregnant or waiting for a FET with good quality embryos on ice. Either way, we never thought we’d get to this point, but we are grateful that we are not farther along. I kept reading all of these IVF #3 failed or FET #5 failed stories this week. The thought of having to continue on that long seriously freaks me out. I guess all we can do is take it one step at a time.

  3. You’re embryos aren’t crap! The grass always looks greener on the other side. You will always wish things had worked out like other people and there will always be people who wished it worked out like yours did. The only thing we can all do is to be thankful for the hand we were dealt and try not to dwell on others hands,

  4. In IF, just as in life, it’s all relative. There are people better off and worse off, all we can do is support one another. The real lucky ones are the people who have no idea how lucky they are – those who fall pregnant quickly and naturally. I know I’d like to be one of them! As for your embryos, I’m sure they are just perfect and are just biding their time, chilling out in the freeze. Keep thinking positive! Easier said than done, I know – I’m having hypnotherapy tomorrow to hopefully get me out of a negative swamp I’ve been treading water in for some time now 🙂

  5. This is a thought provoking post. I considered by BFF who conceived on her first or second attempt (with a successful outcome) to be lucky. Then my co-worker who conceived on her final IUI before IVF was considered lucky, now after two miscarriages and two failed transfers, I consider my cousin who succeeded with her first IVF and then had a spontanous conception is lucky. At the same time, I know I’m lucky to have as good as stimming cycle as I did, but if these embies don’t go the distance, then I’ll be considered unlucky. At the end of the day, if anyone makes it out of this mess with a baby, they can consider themselves lucky.

    • This is very true, no matter what it takes, to end up with a baby at all is lucky. It’s interesting how quickly perspective can change the further down the rabbit hole one gets.

  6. Great post, very true. This really is a game of luck even with all of the money and technology we throw into it. Here’s to hoping we all find that lucky end to our journey soon

  7. When we finally conceived, I felt the same way. I had survivor’s guilt for not having to do IVF, although I had friends who conceived easily and others who had to even adopt. It’s all a matter of perspective. Everybody has trials in this life, whether it be infertility or something else. It’s how we survive them that counts. Hang in there!!

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