M.I.A. Where I’ve Been, and Where I’m Going


I’m sorry, I’ve been a bad blogger. I don’t really know what happened, or where the time went. I wrote my last blog post, and then J went out-of-town, and I had intentions of writing some updates, getting some pre IVF jitters off my chest. And then J was home, and I still hadn’t written anything. I was having good days and some bad days but I was feeling ok. I wasn’t having as much anxiety about our impending IVF cycle, and so I decided maybe I would just take a little bit longer of a blogging break. I’ve still been following along, and sporadically commenting but some of you may be wondering where I went (maybe? Maybe not?). I was in a friend’s wedding this past weekend, and the lead up to that was taking a lot of my time and attention (which was a nice distraction). In the past few weeks I’ve eaten sushi, drank (in excess at the wedding), had as much caffeine as I damn well please, and generally done what I want, when I want.

So here I am, on CD1 of my IVF cycle. I thought AF wouldn’t show up until tomorrow (CD29 rolling into CD1) because when I’m on BCP that’s usually how it goes. I was paranoid that she would be late, but I started feeling bloated and crampy over the weekend, and then today, there she was. So I picked up the phone and left a message on my clinic’s IVF line. I called later this afternoon, so I am expecting a call tomorrow morning telling me to come in Thursday morning for my baseline ultrasound. It’s go time. But first, let me back up and tell you what’s been going on, ’cause it’s a lot.

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately, and not just because of IVF barreling down on us. Recently we’ve been considering purchasing a new condo, in our same building, but on a higher floor, with a bit more square footage. We are fortunate enough to have a small mortgage on our current unit which would allow us to keep both, and have one as a rental property. Figuring out the purchase is a bit stressful, as it will mean we will have two mortgages. Not to mention we would be purchasing from the executor of an estate, so we are not working with a realtor, as overall it is a pretty cut and dry sale. We already live here, we know the details of the building, but all of the legal paperwork, and figuring out the best tax arrangements for our situation is a little over my head. We have bankers, lawyers and parentals to help us, but it is still a big thing, and it is sort of scaring me. We may not get it, we aren’t willing to pay more than we think it is worth, and that may not jive with the family member executing the will. So be, it isn’t the be all end, all we just thought it would be a smart investment. So, that’s all going on right now.

In addition to that, J has been interviewing for an international job transfer (he applied for it a while ago, and they just recently contacted him). It has seemed to be much more serious than many of the other interviews he has had in the past months, and they are wanting to make a decision by the end of this week, or early next week. Let’s just say it is somewhere tropical…So if he gets the offer, we think we will take it. I may be pregnant, we may have embies on ice, or we may have nothing, but we can’t keep putting things on hold so we are going to go about our lives in the best way we can while trying to continue our IF journey.

One last thing that came up somewhat recently as well; J has a rather large lump on his leg, that has been there for about a month or so, but has gotten larger. He finally went to the Dr. last week, who then sent him for an ultrasound. They called yesterday and asked him to come in on Wednesday for the results. He asked if he couldn’t just get them over the phone, and they said no, that he needed to come in. So if that’s not scary as all hell, then I don’t know what is. Obviously there is some reason for the bump, but we have no idea of what it could be, or how serious it is. That one has got me very worried. So we will have to wait and see.

So with all of the above going on, we are also about to embark on our IVF journey. Before AF even started today I was feeling anxious, and then once I made the call to the clinic, my nerves increased. Now I am feeling calmer. It is like knowing you have a mountain to climb, but that you don’t have any choice but to do it. Methodically plugging through becomes the default. We’ll manage it, somehow. Other parts of our life will play out, however they may, and we will deal with whatever comes. We’ve become good at that, IF is a good teacher in patience and perseverance, although not the nicest way to learn. With that, so begins IVF 1.0.