Mercury in Retrograde


I have no idea what mercury being in retrograde even means, but people seem to blame it for strange occurrences and apparently it is happening right now, until July 1. Since I have no real reason for the strange coincidences I’ve experienced lately, mercury seems as good a scapegoat as any.

I sent my best friend a text message today to wish her good luck with her scheduled cesarean tomorrow morning. I told her to let me know when she is ready for visitors, and I will go and cuddle that little baby, and then I want to come home and just curl up in bed and cry. After I wished her all the best I was scrolling through our old text message conversations. A lot of our conversations about my infertility struggle have bounced between our iPhones, so I have this sort of built-in timeline through our messages. I knew that I had text her a photo of my last pack of birth control when I was just about finished it before officially starting to “try” to get pregnant. I wasn’t sure exactly when it was, so I decided to go back approximately two years to find it.

As I swiped further and further back through my phone, I came across a text to her in January 2013, just before we went on a trip to Mexico, when I was 3 or 4 days past when my period was due and was thinking I might be pregnant (despite having tested negative). I had told her I was nervous if I was pregnant, but hoped this was it as I was tired of the PMS hormones messing with my head. A day later, I let her know it was a false alarm and I was just late. Back up a little more, to August 2012, and a message to her just after we returned from a trip to Europe, on which I got my period. Even though it was our first “official” month trying, I was disappointed, and didn’t like all of the symptoms that cropped up not being on the pill. She told me not to get frustrated, as it didn’t often happen on the first try.

I went back little further still, to finally find the photo of my nearly empty birth control pack. June 17, 2012. Two years ago to the day. I still had a weeks worth of pills left, but I had sent it to her because it was almost time to throw caution to the wind. She was 7 months pregnant at the time, and I decided I was going to follow her lead. Tomorrow she will welcome her second child into the world and I will mark CD1 on the calendar. I’ve been feeling awful the past few days, the worst PMS I can ever remember having. I noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper today, and generally when I am on the pill my period comes the Wednesday after I finish the pack so experience tells me tomorrow is that day.

Although I generally count my “TTC timeline” having started in August of 2012, I technically finished my last pack of pills in June 2012. It seems like a strange coincidence of events today and tomorrow. I don’t really believe in fate per se, but it does seem as though the stars have aligned in some twisted way.

I’m so close to starting the next leg of this infertility marathon, but I am so tired already. It’s a long haul, and I’ve got a big hill coming up.


13 thoughts on “Mercury in Retrograde

  1. Lilee

    We’re coming up on 2 years too. I can’t even believe it’s been that long! Good luck in this next phase–and hoping for the best for your friend and your visit to see her baby.

  2. Ah reflection. We are also coming up on 2 years this month. I had a moment a few weeks back when I realized it had been 1 year + 1 month since we first went to our family doctor for testing. It’s tough to look backwards, but remember how far you have come.

  3. My husband and I are coming up on two years as well this early fall. Yuck. But there’s no looking back now, not for me. You mentioned a hill metaphor at the end of your post. I want to let you know that I believe you can take that hill and all the others beyond it. Good luck with your upcoming cycle.

  4. We just passed three years – since OH’s vasectomy reversal – and despite a new lease of ttc life this year, I’m feeling pretty tired of it all. Good luck with your hill – I’m just at the bottom of mine, still warming up in the car park and trying to make out the winding route ahead through the trees!

  5. The sad TTC milestones are the worst. Here’s hoping you have a good one coming up!

    P.S. I nominated you for the Liebster Award! Check out my latest blog post to see what to do!

  6. Hey lady…I hope you are doing okay especially with this crappy TTC anniversary. I really hope that your miracle is just around the corner! Hugs and always thinking of you!

  7. You can do this!! Your TTC anniversary will always suck, but to make you feel not alone: We just celebrated my nephew’s 3rd birthday. His mother and I started trying the same time. Your time will come and it will be perfect.

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