Tomorrow will be a big day for us. We have our appointment with Dr. M to discuss the next steps. So far as I know our clinic usually does 3 unmonitored IUI cycles (on clomid, using OPK’s to detect ovulation) and then will move onto 3 more with injectables and monitoring. We’ve done our first 3 IUIs but due to our MFI I don’t really think adding injectables or monitoring is going to help any. If the problem is not primarily with me, then I don’t see what good jacking up my ovaries even more is going to do. It seems like a waste of time and money.
But then on the other hand I think, “What if this (IUI) were to work?”. Do we try the less expensive, but less likely to work (based on % of success and our MFI) option a few more times, or just jump to the big guns which have a much better chance of working? I pretty much have my mind set on IVF but there is always that little whisper in the back of my mind, what if…When it comes down to it, I think if we were to try 3 more IUIs before going to IVF and none of those worked, it would push me over the edge. My mental well being can’t take 3 more IUI cycles, and if those all fail to have to do IVF on top of it all? I don’t think I have the strength.
Knowing what I do, about the fact that J has less than stellar counts, and poor morphology, I feel that IVF is the best route for us. I will ask Dr. M just to get his opinion on it, but unless he has strong reasoning as to why we should try IUIs again, I don’t think I’ll be convinced. I know doing IVF is going to be disruptive to our life, but if I had to do injectables and monitoring for IUIs it would be just as disruptive, and then we could very well end up doing IVF anyways.
I realize although IVF has a better percentage of success than IUIs, it is still usually less than 50% odds, which in most things in life would be really bad. At this point, I don’t want to have to think about doing more than one IVF cycle, but if we do I hope that the first time around we have enough embies to freeze. I also have a question of, what if we produce a lot of embies, and get our take home baby with frozen ones left? I am not comfortable with embryo donation (I don’t even know if that is legal in Canada?), but I would feel bad working so hard only to dispose of them. I know this is an ethical, spiritual question, and I don’t need to face it right now but it sits in the back of my mind.
There is so much swirling around, besides questions of our treatment moving forward. A bigger question is just about moving forward in general. We don’t even know what direction we’re headed in. We haven’t heard back from J’s work transfer opportunity, now a week later than they said we’d hear from them. I’m still not sure what to make of this. I think we are going to have to make the decision soon if we keep pursuing a job transfer/move, or if we decide to stick it out here, and go hard into IF treatment? If we stay here, do I stay at my current job, or take the other opportunity that I’ve been presented with?
I think everything is going to have to come to a head soon. We can’t just keep standing still waiting for life to guide us in one direction or another, we’re going to have to make a difficult choice. I think J and I will have to sit down and really discuss our options. We’ve sort of just been avoiding it for the moment, focusing on a job transfer that may never happen. We’ve both been waiting for our appointment with Dr. M because when a professional lays it all out, shit’s gonna get real.
So I’m sure discussion will ensue Monday evening. Our appointment is at 9am tomorrow, but then we both have to go right to work afterwards. Perhaps that’s a good thing, it will give us individual time to digest things before we come together to talk it over. I know J has very strong opinions about our IF treatment, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t have the basis to be so firm in his opinions because it’s not him who has to go through this, physically. So we’ll see where that take us. Wish us luck!…or something.