NIAW: Resolve to Know More

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I wanted to participate in Resolve’s “Resolve to Know More” campaign, but I was having a hard time putting thoughts into words. There is so much that I want the general population (ie. people who don’t suffer from infertility) to know, but where does one start?

Also because I am an anonymous blogger this post probably won’t be seen by many people outside of the infertility community. I will not be posting on Facebook, or tweeting about it (although, I don’t mind if other people do!). But for those who may stumble across my blog, or one day when I feel safe and comfortable enough to share it, this is what I want people to know. Not necessarily do’s and don’ts (such as the obvious, don’t tell them just to relax, or stop trying), but things you should consider, with anyone really, because you never know who is that 1 in 8.

  1. Infertility is a disease; a medical condition. No amount of ill-considered advice is going to change that.

  2. Other people’s fertility hurts my feelings. I know it’s not their fault, that’s what our bodies are meant to do. But I can’t do it, and it is upsetting to me.

  3. Strangers, friends and family speaking to me as if I am ignorant because I don’t have children is hurtful. Ie: You’ll understand/you’ll change your mind/you’ll know better…when you have kids.

  4. Infertility affects every part of my life. My relationship (physical and emotional) with my spouse and others, my self-esteem, my mood (all the time, up and down), my future plans (or lack thereof, because I can’t plan past the next treatment), and we can’t forget, my bank account.

  5. If someone doesn’t have kids it is not appropriate to ask them if/when/how many children they plan on having. Even if they do already have a child/children, don’t. I don’t ask you what your salary is, or your sexual preference. Please do not ask me about the status of my uterus.

  6. The point of marriage is not (necessarily) to have children. Sure, it is generally the by-product of marriage, but not the sole purpose. And not everyone wants to get knocked up on their honeymoon. Keep that in mind, and see #5.

  7. Fortunately (for you), and unfortunately for us (suffering from IF) you cannot understand what this is like. You may have an idea from what we’ve told you, or you’ve read. You’ll know that it is horrible, and be able to sympathize with the fact that we are in pain. But there really is no way for you to fully understand. The psychological effects have been compared to having cancer. Keep that in mind.

  8. If you are someone I have let into my IF world, sometimes I will want to talk about it, and sometimes I won’t. Respect my fickleness, and please be patient with me. A secondary note to that one, don’t ask me every month if “it worked”. I will tell you when it is appropriate for you to know.

  9. I am not ashamed of being infertile, but I deal with enough trying to hold myself together while managing IF, never mind fielding questions/ignorance/pity from other people. That is why it is none of your business.

  10. I will emerge on the other side of IF, no matter what road we take to get there or if it ends up including children or not, but I will never be the person that I was before. Unfortunately, I have visited a very ugly, dark place. Pain will change a person, and I will have to break free of my broken self to emerge anew.

Please visit the links below for more information on infertility:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

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16 thoughts on “NIAW: Resolve to Know More

  1. Reblogged this on Awaiting Autumn and commented:
    Since it’s National Infertility Awareness week in the US (and since I’m long overdue for a blog update… hang on til tomorrow folks), here’s an awesome post from Infertile Girl in a Fertile World. Check it out!

  2. I can completely relate to all of the comments you wrote. I wrote a post a while back on my blog about infertility etiquette. It was after an incident with a family member who thought it would be a good idea to tell me about a complete stranger’s pregnancy (it this was right after we did an IVF transfer, which they knew about, and the same day I found out it didn’t work, which they didn’t know about). Even family and close friends can sometimes say the most hurtful things without even realizing it.

    P.S. Your blog name is so close to mine…what a coincidence!

    • Yeah, that’s why I haven’t opened up to barely anyone. At this point I need to protect myself more than I need to advocate. But I am hoping there will be a time where I feel far enough removed from IF that I can educate others. I’m surprised we haven’t come across eachother sooner with such similar blog names 🙂 Great minds think alike?

    • Thank you! I feel like I’ve just had a celebrity comment on my blog! I love yours, and I was so sorry to hear about your last transfer. Wishing you strength going forward.

  3. Your list encompassed everything I’d like to say to so many people. I’m not totally in the IF closet anymore, and have chosen to tell a few select family members and friends BUT I still don’t have the guts to tell them what I really need them to know. Your list says it perfectly!

  4. daisyp14

    Thank you so much for this, glad to know that I am not the only one that feels like this! If only was strong enough to say it to people’s faces! D xx

  5. I love this post! Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been struggling with infertility for years, and we had a major loss of our twin boys in January. I couldn’t have put this better myself. Would you mind if I linked this or reposted (with a link) it in my blog?

    • Thanks very much, and I’m so sorry to hear about your boys 😦 Please do share! I’m not brave enough to share it with anyone in my life (yet) but if I can spread it among fellow bloggers, it’s a start!

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