Lost at Sea


I’m sending out an S.O.S. We’re lost, and I’m not sure which way we’re headed anymore. Ok, so this is not a new theme but it seems to be getting worse and more confusing. I used to have sight of land in the distance, but now the fog has closed in and I don’t know which way is out.

Yesterday my boss told me that I have been accepted into a training program that I have been on a waiting list for, for several months now. They only take a few people at a time because it costs the company a fair bit of money. Once you are enrolled you have 2 years to complete it and people were enrolling and then not finishing, so then you have to start all over. So in any case, I won’t actually be enrolled until later this year because there is a seminar that they would send me on in September so they want my enrollment date to be as close as possible to the seminar so I get the full 2 years from that point.

So, as far as I know I am enrolled for the seminar, which is on a cruise to Alaska. It is part seminar during the days we are at sea, and part familiarization trip with the cruise line we are travelling and Alaska as a destination (I am a travel agent for those who aren’t aware…yes livin’ the dream…sometimes). Now I’m not sure if I were to quit my job before September (if J gets transfered, or if I decide to move to a different company) if I would have to pay back the seminar, because generally these things are non refundable. They may be allowed to swap someone else out for me, so at this point I said yes and I’ll worry about it down the road. The bigger problem comes if I were to quit after the seminar; if I were to leave within 6 months of the seminar, I would have to pay it back (that’s company policy).

But what if I get pregnant? If it is before September I would have to tell my boss and turn down the training opportunity altogether. If it is after September, then I wouldn’t technically be quitting, plus I most likely wouldn’t be going on mat leave within 6 months of the seminar so it shouldn’t matter too much. But then I will be signed up for the 2 year training program. I’m not sure how that would be handled if I were to leave.

I am not going to say no at this point, because who knows what will happen. I can’t live my life assuming I’ll be pregnant, or we’ll be moved or who knows what. This is an awesome step in my career and my company is paying for it, so I want to take advantage.

On that note, we still haven’t heard anything from the job interview J had a week and a half ago. We’re dying here. He said he might try and contact the recruiter to see if she knows anything, or can put him in touch with the decision makers. It’s annoying because they said they would be in touch by the end of last week…still waiting!

I was having a bad day yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed at work and when I start to feel that way it makes me stressed and lately I don’t handle stress well. I think too, because this new training opportunity came up it kind of threw me a little bit. So then I fall into a downward spiral, stressed over work, thinking about our upcoming appt with Dr. M, worried about the future and what it will bring. Plus I felt like junk yesterday. Little did I know that AF was making her way to me (3 days early). I missed a BCP sometime mid cycle, so I took it in the morning when I remembered and then I forgot to take my last pill on Sunday but at that point I figured, who cares if I missed the last one.

I think once we have an answer on what’s going on with J’s job prospect, I might feel a little clearer in what I should do. Hopefully we can make some decisions and get ourselves back on track and in sight of land again, a new land of opportunities and exciting challenges.


6 thoughts on “Lost at Sea

  1. The job situation is tough. I can tell you thought I have turned down many opportunities and vacations because we thought for sure we would be pregnant by then! I’ve stopped putting things off and am now just going for it. If it feels right, do it. If your boss is ok with giving you some time to think about it, maybe wait to hear more from J’s interview?

    • Yeah, when we were doing our IUI’s I wouldn’t plan anything too far out, like we were trying to book for this trip we’re taking at the end of this month, but I wouldn’t book it until we were close enough that even if I got pregnant, I would still be able to travel. A friend of ours is getting married in Vegas in Oct. and I have been holding off on that just because if we move, I don’t want to have flights booked from here.

      My boss needed my passport details and everything yesterday, so it was sort of take it or leave it, plus she doesn’t know about our IF struggles and if I hestitated on saying yes it would have seemed very weird as this is a pretty exciting thing that I have been waiting for. C’est la vie, right!?

      • Definitely. My sister invited us for this upcoming Christmas. She lives 1 province away. I told my husband we are going no matter what. I don’t care if we have to drive instead of fly (if I end up too Prego). I guess only time will tell… Good luck with everything though. I’ve been on an Alaskan cruise and it’s gorgeous up there.

  2. You know I have completely stopped planning anything around pregnancy. Cause I refuse to be in a holding pattern watching life go by. And even with pregnancy, it’s not a handicap and I want to enjoy life then too! Everyone else does and there are too many cool things to do. We’ll just change as needed, alter plans a little like Autumn. I really want to hear that this job for your hubby comes through! And I am not going to lie, I am damn jealous about that Alaska cruise!

    • Yeah there isn’t a lot I turn down because I “think” we may be knocked up but really big life plans have a been a bit halted and unfortunately those few big plans effect all of the little ones. I’m sad because if things work out and either we move or get pregnant I won’t get to go on the cruise. But in the big scheme of things, it won’t matter!

    • Yeah, I think if it was just ttc to contend with we could make plans and decisions a lot easier, there are just too many things at play right now.

      The sad thing is if plans work out we’ll either be moving or pregnant and I won’t get to go on the cruise. But that’s a small price to pay!

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