So here I am hanging out, not moving forward or backwards, just staying status quo. We haven’t heard back from the location that J interviewed for last week. I’m not sure whether to consider that a good thing, or not. Last time it proved not, but in my mind I rationalize that if they were going to turn him down they would have done it already…right? Yeah, we’ll see.
We are also inching closer to our appt with Dr. M and it is making me nervous. I mean I pretty much already have an idea of how it’s going to go down. He might suggest more IUI’s with injectables but I think that’s a waste of time and money, so we’ll move on to discussing IVF. I know there is a whole protocol of meeting the IVF coordinator, ect. but I don’t know much past that. I don’t even want to think about it right now because it’s going to be some heavy sh*t.
Plus, we have to decide how long we (as in J) are going to keep trying to apply for out of country jobs before we decide to
give up stop. I’m sort of thinking once we get back from our vacation, at the beginning of May, we might need to make some decisions. I can’t go on forever in limbo like this, it is driving me absolutely batty.
I’ve recently started reading a book called Unsung Lullabies, and it’s like the authors are in my head (well, really they have been because all 3 have gone through IF). Here is the write up from Goodreads about the book;
For people experiencing infertility, wanting a baby is a craving unlike any other. The intensity of their longing is matched only by the complexity of the emotional maze they must navigate.
With insight and compassion, Drs. Janet Jaffe, Martha Diamond, and David Diamond-specialists in the field of Reproductive Psychology who have each experienced their own struggle with infertility-give couples the tools to:
*Reduce their sense of helplessness and isolation
*Identify their mates’ coping styles to erase unfair expectations
*Listen to their “unsung lullabies”–their conscious and unconscious dreams about having a family–to mourn the losses of infertility and move on.
Ground-breaking, wise, and compassionate, Unsung Lullabies is a necessary companion for anyone coping with infertility.
It sounds a little bit hokey, but I was hooked from the first chapter. It is pretty hard to read because it talks about the depression, helplessness, and general awfulness of the situation. But as I read along, I am nodding my head in agreement with what is being said. I’m only 3 chapters in and so far it hasn’t much talked about coping methods, as it is more unearthing the “side effects” of infertility, if you will. I was reading it on the iPad at the gym the other day, and it felt good to give it my all on the bike while reading such difficult subject matter. Helped me not to cry. Also, I have to say, I love ebooks. I can read something without other people know what it is.
From what I’ve read so far, I would highly recommend it, but I’ll let you know when I finish it. I’ve recently compiled a huge list of books to read while on vacation (probably more than I will actually need). I really need to get back into reading, it is a great distraction and there is so much I want to read. Plus I have so many books that I am interested in. I use to be an avid reader but I just have lost my drive, or desire to do anything but sit in front of the tv lately.
Overall, I am ready to have a plan to set in motion. I hate standing still when there are so many plans to be made. Come on universe, let’s get rolling!