I have a lot of little notes for future blog posts but some of them don’t warrant their own post or I don’t feel like elaborating on them right now so I am just going to throw a bunch of things out there, just to get them off my chest.
*I hate not being part of the mommy club. I have nothing to contribute to conversations about kids, and I don’t live the same lifestyle as most of my friends. I do enjoy the lack of responsibility sometimes, but I would gladly trade it in for a baby.
*On a secondary part of missing out on the mommy club, my best friend and I couldn’t have more different lives right now. She is a stay at home mom to her almost two year old son, and pregnant with another boy, due in June. Her days consists of taking care of her son and her husband, and working very part time as a nurses aide. I am finding it harder and harder to relate to her. I think even once I had a child (or children) we will still live different lives but at least we’d have a common bond of children.
*I feel like I am in a competition with “the fertiles”. Every time another person gets pregnant (naturally, not by IF treatments) it’s like I get another tick in the losing column. I know it’s a stupid way to think but it just irks me.
*I want to (someday) try and work on getting the word out about infertility, lobby the government for fertility coverage, educate the masses, ect. But right now, I want my privacy for my own treatment, so I am torn. I could speak out now and lose my privacy, or suffer in silence until I have some sort of resolution.
*Further to that, I feel like it might be somewhat futile to try and get the word out and garner support because people who haven’t been through it don’t understand. It is an invisible disease, sort of like depression and anxiety.
*I hate that this one problem in my life (infertility) crosses into all aspects of life. Trying to plan a vacation; what if I am pregnant/in the middle of treatment? In a wedding this summer; don’t get pregnant or you won’t fit the dress! Want to change jobs; don’t forget you might get pregnant and have to leave your new job anyways! Every decision I try to make, I always have to consider TTC and I’m sick of it, dammit!
*I hate license plates. This one is weird, I know, but where I live a license plate comprises of 3 letters followed by four numbers and they sort of cycle through different combinations of the alphabet. Right now an extremely common letter combination is either BFP or BFN. It is sooo annoying to be driving behind that.
Sorry, there is not really any point to this. That’s all I’ve got on that one for now, but I could go on and on about it. I’ll keep you posted if I think of anything else.