So far between my cousins and I, there is only one child (there will be two more when my cousins wife has their twins). Being that I’m an only child my mom has no grandchildren, and I know she desperately wants one (or several, but let’s be reasonable at this point).
My mom and I went out for coffee on Wednesday and
we I pretty much skirt the issue of TTC nowadays. She did mention, however, that my grandma asked her when we might be having kids. I just said, “oh, did she?” and didn’t get any further into it. Didn’t ask how she responded, or give her any sort of answers. I know that might be a bit of a dick move but at this moment in time I am not ready to have that discussion. Especially not in the middle of a busy Starbucks, in case I dissolved into tears at having to explain the situation we’re facing. Plus if this IUI does work I still don’t want to tell anyone until around 10 or 12 weeks.
But what really got me thinking is the fact that my grandma was asking about my future children. My grandma has early stages of dementia and is having a hard time remembering things, and she repeats herself a lot. It’s gotten a fair bit worse over the past year or so and it is so hard. I’ve only ever met my paternal grandma once, so my maternal grandma is the one whose been around all my life. She treats me more special than my cousins, and I have a pretty close relationship with her.
So it is sad to think that if this cycle doesn’t work, by the time we do have a baby she may not be all there to remember me, or realize it’s my baby. And that is really hard to consider. Sooo, what I’m saying, as usual, is that I really hope this works.
In other news, J is really stressed out. He told me the result of the IUI is pretty much all he thinks about lately (ditto). In previous cycles he’s not really said to much about how he’s feeling about it. He pretty much just waits until I tell him it’s negative and we go again. Not so this time, everything feels so different, yes still the same this time. I’m getting antsy. And starting to feel a bit of the usual barely there PMS cramping. Not feeling so hopeful…