Time is going so. slowly. I am 6DPIUI today, and for some reason I thought this TWW might not be as bad because after this one things will be different. Either we’ll be pregnant and off to start our lives as a little family, or we won’t be pregnant but we’ll be embarking on a new adventure, moving cities (yet TBD where, but the possibilities are endless). I figured since we are finally getting off the ferris wheel of infertility I might not be so stressed out this time. But of course I am. This is our last shot before we take a break, but eventually it just means we’ll have to revisit TTC and bring on the big guns.
I couldn’t sleep the other night, so I came into the living room to watch some tv. J got up to come check on me because he woke up and noticed I wasn’t in bed. He asked if I was ok, I said yeah, just couldn’t sleep. He seem concerned as I never have a problem sleeping. Or I never used to. But this is probably the first time I’ve ever actually gotten out of bed and watched tv instead of just staying in bed, tossing and turning.
The next day, J asked me how come I couldn’t sleep, and I just gave some non committal response, like “oh, I dunno, I wasn’t tired”. He asked me what was on my mind, even though I know he knew. I told him, “just the usual”, and he nodded with understanding. I told him that it just recently dawned on me that if this cycle doesn’t work, even though we will be relieved of the TTC pressure, it doesn’t mean the stresses of infertility go away. We will still be childless, amongst all of our friends with children, constantly fending off questions about when we’re having kids, and dealing with the sting of new pregnancies and babies of all the people we know (Best Friend included). I don’t know why I didn’t see that earlier, perhaps because I’ve just been focusing on one cycle at a time, one day at a time and thinking that this cycle would bring relief no matter what. But that just isn’t true.
I’ve been very anxious lately, I have hard time concentrating, work is stressing me out and I just want resolution. But I’m afraid of the result. Because I don’t think it’s going to work. I know I’m being pessimistic, but IUI doesn’t give that much better of a chance than a normal person just using timed intercourse. We tried that for 14 months with no luck, and now the first 2 IUI’s haven’t worked, what really makes this one any more likely to work?
Unfortunately, I’ll have to wait and see. J has threatened to take my pregnancy tests away but I told him I only have two so I won’t waste them. I told him I would wait until Monday (Feb. 10) as it will be 12DPIUI and should hopefully be able to detect a positive, if there is one to be detected. I’ll have one left, just in case but if the first one is negative I am going to attempt to just wait until AF shows. I have also continued my BBT this cycle, which I usually quit after I can confirm ovulation. So if I keep my eye on that, it is pretty consistent in indicating AF (the same day she arrives) so if I see my temps drop, I can be fairly certain it’s all over. So until then, I wait.
Onto the last day(s) of my Relationship Challenge. I’ve gotta say I am sort of glad it’s over, not for the fact that there weren’t good tips in it, but blogging every day is super hard! So here is day 20;
Do Someone Else’s Task
In marriage, or any partnership or relationship, chores are a huge source of conflict. Who is responsible for what tasks?
It’s important that everyone contribute fairly, of course. Nevertheless, every once in a while, do your loved one’s task, just for a treat. This kind of voluntary pitching-in wins enormous goodwill.
When you unload the dishwasher, call a repairman, run an errand, or take out the trash, even when it’s not “your” job, your action shows an appreciation of what someone else usually does, and also a desire to make life a little easier for that person.
Also, it will heighten your appreciation for the work that someone else is usually doing. The work that other people do always seems so much easier than the work we do! By attending to a task yourself, from time to time, you make yourself more aware of what you’re not doing.
Resolve to “Do someone else’s task.” It’s generous, it’s loving, and it’s a good reminder not to take others for granted.
It is so nice to find that J has cleaned the floors, it is a job that we both hate, that I usually end up doing. Or the bathroom where he trims his beard, or any number of things. It is such a relief, especially when it is something I am dreading doing. It feels like a weight lifted when it’s no longer on my to do list. I always am thankful, but perhaps I need to show it more, and in turn I can try and remember to do tasks for J, in turn.
The final relationship challenge is a bit of a cop out, because it is a culmination of the past 20 days;
Boot Camp Perfect
Congratulations! It’s Day 21 of the 21 Day Challenge! I hope that the Challenge has helped you deepen and strengthen your relationships.
For the last resolution, try “Boot Camp Perfect.” Be warned: this is a challenging, but very useful, exercise.
For the next week, try to follow all twenty resolutions, all the time, in your relationships.
Jump, get enough sleep, embrace good smells. Follow a threshold ritual. Quit nagging, do someone else’s task for a treat, beware of unconscious over-claiming. Plan some nice little surprise. Give warm greetings and farewells.
Try “Boot Camp Perfect.” Even if you don’t have even one perfect day during the week, your effort will help you raise your standards for how you engage with the people you love. And in the end, it’s from our relationships with other people that we gain the most happiness.
I am going to try and keep all of these resolutions, in a way, in my relationship. I may not be able to be “boot camp perfect” in the next week, seeing as it could be some trying times (not that I am going to allow myself to act out, or not be loving). I hope that you gleaned something from all of the tips I’ve posted along the way. I’m sure a few of them applied to almost everyone, and it was a fun exercise to do in the blogosphere, rather than just on my own, so thanks for following along!