Scared/Relationship Challenge Day 14

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Today is the final day of ICLW, and I have 1 week left of my relationship challenge. I will soon be entering the two week wait, and it will be the last one for a long while. Waiting, waiting, always waiting. I am almost free of the waiting but the next one will be the worst. My life is broken into segments and pieces right now, but will soon become whole again. Everything is coming to a head. 

It’s funny, Best Friend asked me how I was feeling about it all, and I said “scared”. And as stupid as it is, I am scared if it doesn’t work, but I am also scared if it does. How can I be scared for something I’ve been hoping for, for 18 months now? It seems a bit ridiculous, because of course I want it to work, but it is hard to think past that. What if it does work? Then it’s “holy shit, I’m pregnant”, and “oh my g-d we’re having a baby”. I can’t even wrap my head around that, it seems like an impossibility.

When we first started trying, I was naively optimistic, but months went by I started really learning and investigating pregnancy and conception and had this bad feeling that something wasn’t right (even though there weren’t that many reasons to suspect it). I did discover that I had a short luteal phase, but with supplements I was able to correct it. Other than that, I didn’t really have any good reasons.

At the one year mark I went to my GP and she didn’t seem concerned, told me maybe I needed to gain some weight, but keep trying and come back if I wasn’t pregnant in 6 months. Yeah, right. I’m going to purposely gain weight, and “just keep trying” for another 6 months when I’ve already been at this for 12 already. If I had taken her advice, I would just be going back to her now. Instead I’ve seen my RE twice (who normally has a 4 month wait), had 2 IUI’s and am rounding on my third and final. I think I need to fire my GP.

So here we are, standing at the edge of our (self imposed) precipice. Will it work, or will we go back to our lives as DINKs, pre TTC (not that it’s possible for us to ever get back to the place we were, but move forward without the weight of TTC on us)? Only time will tell, but either way I’m still a little scared to find out.

Relationship Challenge Day 14:

Get Enough Sleep

How much sleep do you get each night? Far too many of us are chronically sleep-deprived. Most adults need at least seven hours of sleep each night—if not eight or nine. (I do best with a solid 7-8 hours of sleep.) Some people say, “I’ve trained myself to get by on five hours,” but in fact, when researchers study these folks, they’re often quite impaired. Except for the rare true “short-sleepers,” most people function much better when they get a full night’s sleep.
Lack of sleep drags down mood, memory, focus, and immune function; it may even contribute to weight gain.
And lack of sleep affects our relationships. We’ve all heard the admonition, “Don’t go to bed angry.” True enough, but current research suggests that couples shouldn’t try to work out problems or talk about difficult subjects at bedtime. Also, they should avoid having hard conversations when one of them hasn’t slept well.
Having problems with your relationship can negatively affect your sleep; and lack of sleep can contribute to conflict in your relationship. With a good night’s sleep, it’s so much easier to keep a sense of humor, to have a sense of perspective, and to adopt a loving, good-natured attitude—with a partner, with children, or with co-workers and friends.
Resolve to “Get enough sleep.” Being well-rested may not seem like something that will affect your relationships, but it does.

This may seem like a weird one, for a relationship challenge, but sleep can be a huge influence on mood and demeanor. I, for example, am nauseous and cranky if I get less than 4 – 5 hours of sleep. I have never really had trouble sleeping until recently, and I am a night owl by nature.

J, on the other hand, never sleeps well. He has had sleep studies done, used prescription sleep aids, as well as natural (melatonin) remedies. He can sleep if medicated, but he can’t live his life like that. I don’t know how he manages on the terrible sleep he gets, but somehow he seems to have adjusted. But it is not good for him. When I was going to acupuncture, the acupuncturist asked about him and I mentioned that he doesn’t sleep well, and she seemed concerned, like that was a very important thing. Which I’m sure it is. But what can you do? A person can’t live their life, always taking sleeping pills. But otherwise, how do you train yourself to sleep through the night?

Having never really had troubles sleeping (I can sleep just about anywhere), I didn’t really comprehend the magnitude it can have on you. But recently, I’ve not been sleeping well (I’m thinking it is due to all the stress lately) and it is awful. I have been going to bed a bit earlier, and it almost seems to make it worse. I seem to wake up around 5am every morning, and have a hard time falling back asleep from there. I don’t sleep soundly anymore, and I don’t feel rested in the morning. I have crazy dreams too (clomid related?).

So, I can see how both people in a relationship getting enough sleep is a big deal. Hopefully two weeks from now, I will be sleeping more soundly. Or not. Maybe I’m just in training for my future as a parent?

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