Finding Other Infertiles/Relationship Challenge: Day 4


Happy Saturday fellow infertiles! I’m having a pretty decent day, got two new pairs of shoes (new sneakers for the gym and a pair of leopard print pumps) and we found bridesmaid dresses. And they’re nice! I would definitely wear it again, so that’s a bonus if I’m spending $160 plus alterations on it. the bride and I grew up together as our moms are best friends, we’re not as close as we used to be but we keep in touch and she was one of my bridesmaids so now I get to return the favor. I know her maid of honor but not super well, I’ve met her briefly a few times previously. After today I love her a whole lot more, because she is one of us…

We were having lunch after shopping and Mexico came up and then the fact that “Maid of Honor” had been to Mexico for IVF. She kind of breezed past this fact so I had to back it up and pepper her with questions. None of the women I was out with know we are struggling, so my keen interest may have seemed a bit weird but at this point I don’t care. I don’t have any infertile friends in real life so it was awesome to talk to her, and have her be so candid with me. I think it’s easier for her because she recently adopted a baby girl, so though I’m sure her pain is still there but she has her daughter to help heal the scars.

She didn’t mention anything about their lead up into IVF but once the got to that point they looked at doing it here in Canada but found it was almost half the price to do it in Mexico. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this, because plenty of people go to Mexico for dental work, or other medical needs because it is so much less expensive for high quality medical care. Not that we’re even at that point yet but it is definitely something to keep in the back of our minds. She did suffer from ovarian hyperstimulation and was very sick. They did however manage to get 20 eggs, and complete the transfer.

They did achieve pregnancy but at her first ultrasound they discovered it was ectopic and had to be terminated and removed that same day. They ended up saving her tube, though she said at that point she didn’t care. So after recovering they went back to Mexico and transferred all 4 of their remaining 5 day embryos. None of them took. They were extremely lucky in that from the time they applied for adoption to the time they had their daughter in their arms was 13 months. Perhaps after all they had been through, they deserved something to be easy. If only that were always the case.

So all in all, it was awesome to chat with her, and get to know her. She is very sweet and I could see getting closer with her while helping our friend with her wedding.

Onto day 4 of the relationship challenge. Today is Under-react to a Problem.

“Although we think we act because of the way we feel, we often feel because of the way we act. Accordingly, one of my Twelve Personal Commandments is to “Act the way I want to feel.” 

Along these lines, I follow the resolution “Under-react to problems”: not to ignore or minimize problems, but just to under-react to them. 

By under-reacting to problems or annoyances, and acting in a serene way, I help myself cultivate a calm attitude. 

I’ve found that under-reacting to little household accidents makes them less irritating, because after all, they’re only as annoying as I allow them to be.  No use yelling over spilt nail polish.

Also, when my husband or children see that I’m reacting calmly, they stay calmer, too. It’s creates a much nicer atmosphere in our home—especially when something is going wrong.

Resolve to “Under-react to problems.” Your under-reaction will help make you feel calmer and more in control.

I really like this one. I can sometimes get really worked up about something very small. If something tests my patience, or things start to fall apart I might lose my cool. Sometimes it just depends on my mood if I am in a better mood I am likely to be more tolerating of these things. But if I am in a bad mood, and one of these things set me off it is likely to put me in a worse mood when really I should just let it go.

A scenario that comes to mind when I handled this very well was at our wedding. The flowers were delivered just before the ceremony and they were the wrong color. Fushia pink instead of purple. But it was too late, they were brought in from an offsite company and I had to get down the aisle. I took a deep breath and decided to not let a fairly insignificant detail derail my wedding. I need to remember this with J as well, because when one of us is unhappy, both of us end up unhappy. No sense crying over spilled milk. Unless your on clomid, then cry about anything and everything.


6 thoughts on “Finding Other Infertiles/Relationship Challenge: Day 4

  1. I looked into a couple clinics overseas, but I’m not sure how I feel about Mexico. Sometimes you get what you pay for as far as oversight into standards of care, etc! Good luck in whichever path you choose! 🙂

    • Yeah I don’t know if I would have had a second thought except that now I have someone I can talk to that has done it. It’s still a long ways off, if we head down that road so I’ll do my due diligence if it gets to that. Good luck to you!

  2. Well, not that we sit around hoping that other people are infertile, but there is some relief in not being alone/isolated. I’m glad you were able to connect with your friend.

    • Yes, absolutely, I would rather that no one go through it, but it is actually shocking to me (now that I am in this IF “world”) how many of us are actually out there, hiding in plain sight. Very sad, but comforting when we can band together.

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