So even though I just snuck it in the title there’s no denying it; it is cycle day 1 people. After feeling all day like my period was starting and constantly checking my undies she didn’t really start until I got home from work today. She kindly waited until I came home from possibly one of the hardest/shittiest days of my career to make her presence truly known. So now I’m hanging out on the couch with yucky cramps and a pissy attitude. I did however go out and buy some of my favourite ice cream, coke, chips and we had pizza for dinner. I’m giving the middle finger to being healthy today. I am however going to try and be better and healthier this cycle. After today. Seeing as it will be our last cycle for a long time (I’ll get back to that another day) I am going to throw everything I possibly have at this one. I haven’t wanted to deny myself/force myself to do certain things that may or may not help me in any way and then just become grumpy when another cycle fails anyways but since we are going to take a break I figure I can handle one month with no (ok almost no) soda, more exercise and drinking weird teas my acupuncturist recommends.
Our 3rd and final IUI should be around Jan. 30, so lucky me I’ll have managed to fit two IUIs into one month. Some nice start to 2014. I will start clomid yet again on Sunday. I also have an acupuncture session booked for Sunday and I will continue with it as much as recommended until my IUI. Unfortunately my IUI will fall just before Super Bowl Sunday and we are going to a party but I should be able to play off not drinking with so many people around hopefully no one will notice.
I have a fairly busy weekend planned. I am going bridesmaid dress shopping tomorrow with one of my childhood friends who is getting married in July. I have acupuncture and yoga Sunday, as well as a meeting with our realtor (we might be buying a new condo). Another friend of mine is getting married in Las Vegas in October, so we’ve been working on planning her wedding and are going dress shopping for her in two weeks.
It’s nice to have weddings to focus on right now instead of babies (though there will be plenty of babies this year). My friend getting married in Vegas is in her late 30’s, has never been married and has no kids, nor will she gain any step children and she is happy about it. She does not want kids, and her and I have become close over the years as we are pretty much the only two in our circle without kids (though her by choice, she doesn’t know we’ve been trying). I do fear that my other friend will get pregnant shortly after getting married but at least by that point I will either be pregnant or on birth control and no longer actively ttc so hopefully when it happens it won’t sting as much. Only time will show what the future holds. So that’s my life at the moment.
Now onto the relationship challenge day 3; Make the positive argument.
“I love my husband with all my heart, but sometimes I fall into a spiral of criticism. He annoys me by not answering my emails, and that gets me thinking about how he also annoys me by not mailing an important form, and so on.
I discovered an excellent technique to combat this tendency. In general, people are very skillful at arguing a particular case. When a person takes a position, he or she looks for evidence to support it and then stops, satisfied. This mental process gives the illusion that a position is objective and well justified. However—and this is the useful point—a person can often make the very opposite argument, just as easily. If I tell myself, “I’m a shy person,” I remember examples of my shyness. If I tell myself, “I’m an outgoing person,” I remember times when I was outgoing. I’m able to argue both conclusions quite persuasively.
To make use of this phenomenon, I’ve resolved to “Make the positive argument.”
When I catch myself thinking, “My husband isn’t very thoughtful,” and my mind starts kicking up examples of thoughtlessness, I contradict myself with “He’s very thoughtful”—and sure enough, I’m able to come up with many examples of his thoughtful behavior. “He doesn’t enjoy celebrating holidays”; “He does enjoy celebrating holidays.”
I can actually feel my opinion shift. It’s almost uncanny.
Resolve to “Make the positive argument.” You’ll be amazed at how convincing you can be—to yourself.”
Ok, I’ll admit I’m not very good at this one. It’s true when J does something to piss me off it reminds me of other times, other things that have made me mad in the past. This is a terrible thought process that can get me all wound up over something stupid and trivial. And then I might flip out for something as simple as not taking out the trash or leaving a mess in the kitchen. Also, this is me being a hypocrite. I know it will be hard to think of nice things J has done when I just want to wring his neck. But I can see it making me feel more kind and patient towards him. So let’s give it a try!
Sidenote/question; does your significant other read your blog? I mentioned to J that I started a blog but he doesn’t read and I don’t really want him to…