Yes, I know I missed yesterday, but apparently I signed up too late in the evening on Tuesday so they skipped sending me day 2 until this morning instead of yesterday. So getting right down to it; today’s “step” is Give Gold Stars. I’ve decided I’ll post each except from the email so you can read it yourself and it’s not just me paraphrasing it to what I’ve gleaned from it;
“No surprise, studies show that receiving a partner’s “affective affirmation”—psych-speak for one person’s actions or words to make the other person feel loved, appreciated, desired, and supported—is very important to happiness. Who doesn’t love to get a gold star?
As a gold-star junkie myself, I was intrigued by researchers’ arguments that men need more gold stars from their partners than women do, because women get much more positive support outside marriage. Family members, colleagues, friends of both genders, and even strangers give more frequent affirmation to women than to men. Men, by contrast, depend much more on their partners for empathy and intimacy.
This prompted me to adopt the resolution to “Give gold stars.”
How? I tell my husband “I love you” more often. I try to be helpful even when he hasn’t asked for help—say, by bringing him aspirin if he has a headache. I thank him even for something that’s “his” job. I email him sweet photos of the girls. I try to be accommodating if he wants to go to the gym, leave a party early, work over the weekend, or when he asks me the same question over and over.
Resolve to “Give gold stars”—you make your partner feel more beloved, and at the same time, you make yourself feel more loving”
I felt like this was another one that I am fairly proficient at. I try and show appreciation for the things J does for me, to let him know I appreciate him (and also to reaffirm the things I would like him to continue doing, so shoot me, I may be using it as a dual purpose). When J cooks dinner I always thank him for the meal, if he cleans the house I thank him for his work (even if he doesn’t do it the way I like). I don’t give J a hard time if he wants to go out with his friends, or do something that is “for him”. He will call me to “ask” if he can do something, but really he’s just making sure we don’t have plans and letting me know he’s making plans, he doesn’t think he has to get my permission to do something. And I take pride in being a fairly chill wife.
Sometimes it’s hard to be appreciative if I am in a particular mood, or if he’s doing other things that are pissing me off. But it is something good to be mindful of. So I will continue to dole out the gold stars.
Now onto another matter, what we’re really all here to talk about. My uterus. Or your uterus. Our collective uteri (yup that’s the plural of uterus). Mine is doing nothing so far, AF has not arrived but neither has a BFP. I tested again this morning. I wasn’t going to but then J asked me last night if I was and I said no, I didn’t want to waste a test and he said “well what about the one you did on Tuesday?”. Touche. And he doesn’t know about the one on Monday. Or yesterday. So I did it just to see, and still nothing. I have a requisition for bloodwork to test for hCG on Saturday so if AF is still a no show I will go, but I am banking on her Royal Red Highness showing tomorrow.
I was feeling pretty strong today, but then a client chewed me out (for something that I had already explained to him, but he didn’t understand it at the time and then when he looked it over he was mad). And then I felt crappy, like I might want to have a little cry. I hate when people ruin my day like that. I am moving past it now but I just took it too personally at the time. So I’m going to be keeping a watchful eye on my undies in the coming days, but I have a busy weekend planned so even if CD1 is imminent I will be well distracted. Happy Thursday!