Am I A Hypochondriac?

Standard

Spending 16 months doing something unsuccessfully will mess with your head. Make ya crazy. Make you do things you never thought you’d do, and spend absurd amounts of time doing something you’d never even considered spending 5 seconds doing.

Case and point; Dr. Google. My friends, I think I am a hypochondriac. I cannot stay away from google. Inevitably every cycle in the later part of my two week wait, I end up having some sort of “symptom”. And I turn to Dr. Google to search endless stories of “I-had-this-symptom-and-it-turns-out-I-was-pregnant”.

This month was going to be different. We were not exactly trying, no BBT, no OPK’s, no timed intercourse (that’s such a clinical word) sex. I wasn’t going to worry about it, I was going to relax, enjoy a stress-free cycle until our next IUI. But then, my boobs started to hurt. I am all too aware that this could also just be a PMS symptom, and it has been previously. But not for a long time. And not this bad, oh my god!

My little dog loves to come running and bounce onto my lap and climb up my chest so he can put his little snout right in my face so I can’t ignore him. Well I almost chucked him across the room the last time he pulled that. They’re so sensitive! Buuuut, I know I’m probably being unreasonable.

I have my usual PMS symptoms; back ache, mild cramps, head ache, moodiness. But my twisted mind loves to remind me that those can also be early pregnancy symptoms. I’ve googled all of the aforementioned symptoms, along with “stuffy nose”, “colds”, “eye twitch”, “excessive sneezing” and many other crazy maybe-I’m-pregnant symptoms. And you know what, usually I can find someone who fell pregnant and reported these symptoms.

I almost took a pregnancy test this morning, but I stopped myself, as I was being unreasonable (am I?). I don’t know when I ovulated, so even if I did take a test it may be too early (AF expected Dec. 21). But what if… I came home from work, and noted to J that I didn’t feel very well, my stomach was a bit upset. He turned to me and asked if I was pregnant (so it’s not all in my head!?). So much for my cycle “off”. So don’t mind me as I feel up my boobs to determine their level of sensitivity, and sit here over analyzing every little burp, twinge and pain I have. Perhaps Dr. Google will be able to weigh in.

Image

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Am I A Hypochondriac?

  1. This is exactly what I won’t let myself do anymore…all these stupid symptoms mean nothing! If I let myself google for symptoms that means I let infertility beat me…no more…f’n sick of that shit! Be strong!

    • I know, it’s so hard. I am a very logical person, but my logic goes out the window when it comes to TTC! I managed not to test this morning. Hopefully I can make it a few more days. I went so far as to take my tests out of the cupboard, but I made myself put them back. I bought a bag of 25 cheapie tests off the internet and I only have 4 left. I need to stop.

      • I’m the same way. This whole TTC crap made me into a maniac when it comes to peeing on a stick and pinpointing any “symptom”. It’s so not healthy for me! This month all that crap can kiss my ass! I will most likely start my first IUI cycle next month and I was told by my doc that I don’t have to do any OPKs anymore…what a relief!

      • Ah, I’m jealous you don’t have to do OPK’s for your IUI. I am unmonitored for mine, so I do OPK’s until I get a positive and then come in. That added a nice heaping of stress last cycle, lemme tell ya.

      • Oh, I bet! But, the downside of being on a monitored cycle is that they charge you for each scan which in my case can add up as I’m a late ovulator (I guess that’s not a real word…lol) even on clomid. I hate OPKs with a passion…lol.

      • I might ask my clinic about being monitored for my next IUI. I’m in Canada so the only thing I actually have to pay for is the IUI procedure itself, but the testing and what not is covered by my provincial healthcare. I do have to pay for the Clomid, but hubby’s work benefits cover that. So I’d be all for monitoring, but I think because I ovulate on my own they maybe don’t see the need. Plus more time off owrk would be hard to explain, and difficult to coordinate. I am just on Clomid to “create more targets” I guess. I hate the OPK’s my clinic recommended, I’m going back to my dummy proof smiley face ones next cycle. Only awkward thing is having to do them in my work bathroom. Luckily it is an individual room, not several stalls. Lol.

      • You are lucky having to “only” pay the IUI procedure. I would definitely ask them whether you can have a monitored cycle. I’ve only taken clomid once so far for the clomid challenge test. Usually I ovulate on my own, but I guess it’s a more controlled scenario using clomid. They’ll also have me do a hcg trigger shot once they are happy with the monitoring of the follicles. I’m in my very late 30s so I guess they are chosing a more aggresive procedure….having to do OPKs at work sucks, but having an individual room certainly helps 😉

      • Yeah, that is true about Clomid making it a more controlled situation. Along with a trigger, I feel like that would give me a lot better odds. I think because I am young (26) and ovulate on my own they are being less agressive. But at this rate, who cares if I’m young, it’s still not allowing me to get pregnant!

      • I hear ya…but, I wish I could swap with you age-wise 😉 At any age it sucks to have to deal with this crap! There better be a reward at the end of it….grrrrr!

  2. I haven’t been able to stop reading into every little thing just yet either. It’s something I hope to be able to do soon….but for now I’m still obsessive, which is annoying! I vote you hold off on testing, but that’s just my opinion. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant on an “off cycle” while waiting for treatment. Guess ya never know.

    • Ha, it’s funny you say maybe I’m one who gets pregnant on an “off cycle” because that’s exactly the fuel that my brain is using to rationalize me into testing lol. I held off this morning, so I am hoping I can make it a few more days!

      • Well, anything is possible right?!? I know how hard it is. And I think every month that I’m the exception to the rule too!

  3. OMG! I have the eye twitch this month too! I actually was asking my co-workers this afternoon if they could notice it. I try to stay away from Mr. Google as much as possible, but some days it’s just that one bit of irresistible hope we have left “Maybe if Google says it’s right, it will happen!”. Ugh!

    • Ha! Friggin eye twitch. I tend to get it when I am really tired or really stressed. I don’t have it this month, but I’m sure the time I did have it, I was stressing about TTC among other things.

Pssst, I'd love to hear from you, leave a comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s