Spending 16 months doing something unsuccessfully will mess with your head. Make ya crazy. Make you do things you never thought you’d do, and spend absurd amounts of time doing something you’d never even considered spending 5 seconds doing.
Case and point; Dr. Google. My friends, I think I am a hypochondriac. I cannot stay away from google. Inevitably every cycle in the later part of my two week wait, I end up having some sort of “symptom”. And I turn to Dr. Google to search endless stories of “I-had-this-symptom-and-it-turns-out-I-was-pregnant”.
This month was going to be different. We were not exactly trying, no BBT, no OPK’s, no timed
intercourse (that’s such a clinical word) sex. I wasn’t going to worry about it, I was going to relax, enjoy a stress-free cycle until our next IUI. But then, my boobs started to hurt. I am all too aware that this could also just be a PMS symptom, and it has been previously. But not for a long time. And not this bad, oh my god!
My little dog loves to come running and bounce onto my lap and climb up my chest so he can put his little snout right in my face so I can’t ignore him. Well I almost chucked him across the room the last time he pulled that. They’re so sensitive! Buuuut, I know I’m probably being unreasonable.
I have my usual PMS symptoms; back ache, mild cramps, head ache, moodiness. But my twisted mind loves to remind me that those can also be early pregnancy symptoms. I’ve googled all of the aforementioned symptoms, along with “stuffy nose”, “colds”, “eye twitch”, “excessive sneezing” and many other crazy maybe-I’m-pregnant symptoms. And you know what, usually I can find someone who fell pregnant and reported these symptoms.
I almost took a pregnancy test this morning, but I stopped myself, as I was being unreasonable (am I?). I don’t know when I ovulated, so even if I did take a test it may be too early (AF expected Dec. 21). But what if… I came home from work, and noted to J that I didn’t feel very well, my stomach was a bit upset. He turned to me and asked if I was pregnant (so it’s not all in my head!?). So much for my cycle “off”. So don’t mind me as I feel up my boobs to determine their level of sensitivity, and sit here over analyzing every little burp, twinge and pain I have. Perhaps Dr. Google will be able to weigh in.